I woke up feeling exhausted. So what else is new in this pregnancy? Well this time, I woke up feeling exhausted because I had been up throughout the night thinking. I woke up feeling unsure, guilty, confused, a weight on my shoulders... and I had less than 2 hours to make a final decision.
You see, the previous evening I was at my small group Bible study and the topic of having your membranes stripped came up. If you're really into learning about all things medical and pregnancy and you're dying to know how it works, you can read about it here. Many of my friends have had this procedure done as a way to kick start labor. A surprising number actually. Everyone seemed at ease when talking about having it done and for the majority of them, it was a success (meaning labor began relatively quickly after having it done).
The problem was I felt really uneasy about having this procedure done. And that's what kept me up throughout the night. Should I do it? Should I not do it? Should I continue to wait it out? The next morning, April 17, was my due date. And I had been antsy... REALLY REALLY antsy to have this baby. As our alarm (Miss Selah) woke us up, I began spewing my thoughts to Caleb. My appointment was at 8a and I needed to decide if I was going to do this or not. We both started googling it and I began to do what I do best in that situation... cry.
I was anxious to have labor begin that day because for one, I was way past ready to meet my daughter. I wanted to have a due date baby. It was a Friday and the timing would have worked out nicely regarding my parents being able to make it and stay for the weekend.
But on the other hand, aside from all the ideals, I felt an immense amount of guilt if I had this procedure done. I felt like I was trying to control when my daughter was to be born. I felt like I was trying to play the role of God and I did not feel ok about that. Should I just let nature take its course and go into labor when God allows it? Or was it a bad thing to attempt to jump start it and see what happens? It really felt like a difficult decision especially since I had little time left to decide.
I prayed about it as I shuffled through getting ready and out the door and sought godly advice from trusted family and friends.
I got in the car and still didn't know what I was going to do.
My doctor said I was still at 3 centimeters. I'd been 3 centimeters for over a week and a half! Argh. Really? No progression? Well that's frustrating. I began inquiring about the procedure. She also spoke of it very casually although sure to tell me there's never a guarantee it'll actually start labor. In that moment, I agreed although still slightly hesitant, to her doing it. Side note. It was PAINFUL. Uuuum OUCH!
I left the appointment and felt at ease. I did not feel guilty. I actually felt kind of indifferent about what had just been done. The procedure was over. No going back. All I could do at that point was go about my day and see if anything progressed.
And progress... major progress we saw....
40 weeks exactly!
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