Hello my name is...

Have you ever made a decision in your life that you knew was the wrong one?
Have you ever knowingly gone down the wide path of sin instead of the narrow path of righteousness?
Do you still feel guilty?
Do you feel ashamed?  Defeated?  Unworthy?  What about unforgivable?

I have.  And I admit... from time to time, I still struggle with those feelings about poor decisions I have made in my life.

I was listening to the radio and they were interviewing Matthew West.  Matthew West is a solid Christian artist who loves the Lord and longs to share the gospel with hurting and broken people (so all of us!).

He opened the floor for people to send their stories to him which he would use to inspire the songs in his new album.  He received over 25,000 letters.  25,000!!!  
Letters of peoples' stories that included the good, the bad and downright ugly. But they always ended beautifully.  Redemption.  Mercy.  Forgiveness.

There was one story in particular that he shared and when they played the song, every single word in that song penetrated my heart.  I felt like Matthew West had written that song for me.  It was all the words I had felt all these years but couldn't put into words.

Hello my name is...

Hello, my name is regret 

I’m pretty sure we have met 

Every single day of your life 

I’m the whisper inside 

That won’t let you forget 

Hello, my name is defeat 

I know you recognize me 

Just when you think you can win 

I’ll drag you right back down again 

‘Til you’ve lost all belief 

These are the voices, these are the lies 

And I have believed them, for the very last time 

Hello, my name is child of the one true King 

I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free 

“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing 

Hello, my name is child of the one true King 

I am no longer defined 

By all the wreckage behind 

The one who makes all things new 

Has proven it’s true 

Just take a look at my life 

What love the Father has lavished upon us 

That we should be called His children 

I am a child of the one true King

Perhaps you have battled these lies from Satan for way too long.  If these lyrics resonate with you, have a listen to the song today.  "I am no longer defined by all the wreckage behind....Hello my name is child of the one true King."

You know you're pregnant when... Part 2

I wrote a blog post back in my first trimester about some of the changes I noticed that were very much pregnancy related.  The cravings, the emotions, etc.

The second trimester has brought on a whole new list of changes.  Allow me to share.

You know you're pregnant when...

1. You use the restroom ...... a lot.  I can't even keep track of how many times I need to go pee pee in a 24 hour span.  Thanks to my birthing class, I learned that as baby grows bigger and bigger still, your bladder which was once a nice round ball shape, has flattened like a pancake. It also hits quickly and I have found myself practically running for the restroom, praying no one stops me on the way to chat.  Sorry, I don't mean to be rude but I'm about to wet myself!

2. You lose most of your abdominal muscles.  Simple "tasks" like rolling over in bed is now a HUGE mountain to climb.  Ok... 1, 2, 3, heave!

3. You feel starving.  Pile your plate high. Eat a few bites and feel utterly stuffed.  Thanks again to my birthing class, I have learned why I feel this way.  As baby grows, taking up all the room (what a space hog :-), your stomach literally gets squished into an even tinier ball, not leaving much room for food.

Are you learning a lot?

4. You plan to spend the day out and about.  Shopping sprees?  Forget about it.  2 hours of walking around and I'm down for the count.

5. You lose your feminine grace and delicacy.  According to the birthing class, with a new person growing inside of you, your body becomes quite disproportionate.  In other words you're front heavy.  Very front heavy.  Not sure how this relates to the added clumsiness but either way, I have knocked over more things in the past 6 months than ever before.  And I'll admit.  Last night, I ran into the door frame.  Just ask Caleb.  He witnessed it.

6. Your sweatpants are getting tight.  Your SWEATPANTS!!  *D'oh!

7. You start registering for baby gifts but feel a weird mixture of excitement as you swim through a sea of cuteness but that is quickly followed by an angry disbelief at the outrageous cost of it all!  How dare they mark up prices on things we essentially need.  Ok, you're right, most of what's out there we don't NEED.  But it sure seems to make mommy's life easier.

8. You are paralyzed with fear when it's been over 2 hours and you haven't felt your baby move.  Good grief.  She does need to sleep too.

There you have it.  Some more changes I've experienced in the past few months.  I wonder what else I'll experience in my 3rd trimester!?  I'll keep you posted :-)

My body's going to do WHAT?!

Goodness.  This very day I am 26 weeks pregnant.  In other words, I am 6 1/2 months pregnant with our baby girl.  Just the other day Michael asked me "Are you 6 months yet?"  I said, "I don't know.... we always talk in weeks, I think I'm nearing the end of 5 months."  Then, I looked it up online and it said I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant.  Holy cow!  That puts our timeline is a very different perspective.

26 weeks still has a "half-way mark" ring to it.  But 6 1/2 months is now screaming at me "She's coming and she's coming soon!  Why is her room not even close to being done yet?"

There are still quite a few house projects we are attempting to finish by the time she arrives.  I will post more on house updates as the finished products are more in sight so you can see better before and after shots.  The projects we're working on and hope to finish before she arrives are:

- Painting new doors for the entire upstairs level

- Carving out hinges on all these new doors

- Painting door casings (trim)

- Painting floor trim 

- DIY project - baby's dresser (we'll see how this turns out)

- Extending walls to make closet door openings followed by painting over mudding

- Painting new closet doors

- Making kitchen nook into a pantry

- Any probably some more things mixed in there.

By the way, all of this is taking so long because painting is not just a one step process. No no, it is sanding, wipe down, priming, sanding, wipe down, coat 1, sanding, wipe down, coat 2.  Yea, it takes a long time.

My parents have been absolute rock stars and have come up twice to help with projects.  Since my dad is the superman of construction and painting, he has helped Caleb get quite a bit done in a matter of 1 day or so.  Ok, more on house projects later when I can post pics.

We went to our first birthing class last night.  I'm glad we're going because right now labor is freaking me out.  And it's the unknown of labor that is the most nerve wracking part.  It's no secret that a woman's body goes through an intense amount of change during pregnancy and even more so in the hours of labor and delivery.

We focused on the stages of labor last night with some quick videos.  It is quite amazing at the natural way your body is built to deliver a baby.  

I learned that if a woman was in labor while in a coma, her body would give birth on its own, without her even pushing.  It would take a LONG time but the body will get that baby out even if you're not physically present to push.

As far as the video goes, let's just say we haven't even gotten to the "real" labor video yet (that is next week).  And let's just continue to say that I felt my body clenching and tightening as I watched this woman push out her baby, while clearly in the worst pain she had ever felt in her life.

I looked at Caleb.  He looked at me.  And we both knew exactly what the other was thinking.  "Holy crap.  My body's going to.... do that?!?!"  In that moment, I thought "This little girl is just going to have to stay in me.  Forever."

But the good news is every video I have watched which amounts to hours of sheer pain and misery results in the happiest mother in the world, with the memory of all that pain and tiring work becoming a distant memory.  Or so it seems anyway.  Well.  I'll soon be finding out.  And in the meantime, these birthing classes are meant to help prepare me better.  

The other thing that helps calm me is knowing Caleb will be a fantastic support.  I'm not worried about him at all.  And I know I wouldn't be able to do this without him.  I feel blessed already to have him there, ready to be by my side, walking me through every contraction until our little girl is finally here.

19 weeks

20 weeks

22 weeks

25 weeks