Sugar and spice and everything nice X 2

We are thrilled to be welcoming a second baby girl into our family!  The ultrasound showed normal and healthy growth; praise the Lord!  She appears to have had a growth spurt recently as my baby bump has become more noticeable and she has also been much more active to the point where Caleb can undoubtedly feel her kicks.

We found out the day before Thanksgiving so we'd be able to tell my family in person.  We had announced our pregnancy this way so naturally, I wanted to announce the gender in the same way, using pumpkins.  
You'd think there would be some pumpkins available somewhere the day before Thanksgiving but no.  None.  At all.  I went to 4+ stores and people would ask "Pumpkin....What do you mean?  Canned pumpkin?"  No no.  A pumpkin.  An actual pumpkin.  Like small ones for decorating a table perhaps.  I thought a pumpkin meant pumpkin but I guess it confused people.  Not to mention that Christmas decorations were everywhere which normally I'm all for but in this case, I thought couldn't you just hang on to some fall decorations through Thanksgiving?
I had wanted to paint a small pumpkin pink and write lil' sister on it and have Selah carry it to her grandparents but alas, that planned failed and I had to come up with plan B very quickly because we had T-minus 1 hour before we were leaving town (and we hadn't even packed yet).

I remembered I had some pink straws leftover from Selah's birthday party so I just printed off some pink lips, cut them out and taped them to the pink straws.  It wasn't what I was hoping for but it had to do.  This was taken about 2 minutes before we walked out the door haha  *sigh*  too rushed.  Too rushed I tell you.  But that's another story.

I feel so bad because baby girl is already getting the short end of the stick.  I've barely taken any bump photos (I think I took a picture every week documenting my bump growth with Selah).  I've heard this is how it goes with kids #2, #3 and so on.  And it is proving true.  Sorry kiddo!  I will work really hard to get a baby book done for you!

Here she is at 21 weeks :)

I've been feeling pretty good in comparison to the first trimester.  Just the typical tiredness but I can't complain because I'd much rather be tired than nauseous.  I had strong cravings with Selah but surprisingly nothing strong with this pregnancy.  I guess the one thing(s) I want more often than anything else is milk products (bagels with cream cheese, lots of cream cheese, milk, chocolate milk, chocolate shakes, etc).  
I don't remember the last time I got a good night's sleep.  But I've accepted that it will be like this for year's to come.  
My hips and lower back are starting to feel the strain but overall it's going very well.  I can't believe I'm over half way through this pregnancy already.  

Now that she has made their official announcement, it's safe for me to say my cousin Aimee is pregnant with their first baby and I am SO EXCITED!  We grew up together and were college roommates at TIU; I so wish we lived closer so we could experience pregnancy together.  I'm looking forward to taking a bump picture at Christmas!

Here's to the exciting adventure of raising two girls; we couldn't be more excited and a little scared all at the same time :-)

A tale of a kitty

I just had to use that pun... a tale of a kitty :-) 

I'm not a big fan of Halloween.  I despise the scary, creepy, gory costumes and decorations.  But I am coming around on the cute kids out trick or treating... especially the polite ones.  We didn't have anything going on this year and Selah's too young to trick or treat and because of that I didn't want to spend money on a costume.  Thankfully, her grammy Bobbi bought her a cute little Halloween outfit and had the idea to just buy a couple kitty accessories and voila, she's a kitty cat.  It worked so well!

She looked adorable and got lots of  "awwws" when kids and parents came to the door trick or treating.  Although, she kept pulling off her tail and ears.  But despite that, she sure did look cute. Happy Halloween!

Salsa lover

I love salsa.  I mean I really, really love salsa.  Here's the catch.  I'm very, very picky about my salsa. I do not like jarred salsa from the grocery store.  I do not like them Sam I am.  I do not like salsa that tastes primarily of tomato.  Of all the Mexican restaurants I've been to, and I've been to a lot, I think I've only loved 2, maybe 3 of them.  When I say love, I mean, I could sit there and dip chip after chip after chip.  I care more about the chips and salsa then I do my main meal.  

I don't create recipes.  I copy them.  I've found a really solid salsa recipe that I simply must share.  And one of the reasons I love it so much is that the Pioneer Woman and I share equally high standards for salsa.  And boy oh boy, she did not disappoint with her restaurant style salsa.  Whip this up and enter salsa heaven.

PS She does mention this in her post but I'll reiterate, it makes a very large batch.  My food processor isn't big enough to hold it all so be mindful of that and make it in 2 batches. Otherwise your food processor will leak all over like mine did because I tried to force it all in hahaha oops!

Good in the world

It can be very discouraging and even depressing when we learn about all the horrors that infiltrate our world.  More so... feelings of terror, hopelessness, confusion, and sadness can fill our minds and hearts when we are bombarded with news headlines of fatal car accidents, murders, persecution, terrorism, abuse, and the list goes on and on.  

It makes your heart ache.  It makes you cry out and beg God to come back now so the pain of this world can be left behind.

This morning, I opened my computer to update our budget.  As I finished, the name of an author and speaker popped into my head (I greatly enjoy this woman's writings) and I typed her name into the Google search, Shauna Niequist.  I went to her blog and began reading a few of her posts.  

She recently posted about the loss and grievances of miscarriages or losing an infant.  As I read through the comments on that post, my eyes filled with tears and my heart was filled with encouragement.  Person after person wrote about their experience losing a child, most were unborn, and people responded with such love and care.  Strangers.  Complete strangers responded with love, care, and empathy to one another.  And I thought... what a beautiful thing.  People truly caring for one another, even though they've never met.  

I don't think it's a coincidence that an experience that brings such grief can produce such love.  I imagine God is smiling as His people are practicing Jesus' love to another in the midst of such heartache... all while He is holding those precious babies in His loving arms in a special place where they are in pain no more.

Today, my heart smiles at the good in the world.  Jesus' love is shining brightly today.

My role

It's 7:03pm and I just got my daughter down for the night.  My husband is traveling; the house is quiet... it's dark... it's just me.  I feel the weight of the long day pressing in.  Ok... now what?  The living room floor is littered with Selah's toys and books.  A laundry basket of clean clothes need to be put away in their rightful places.  There are crumbs on the floor surrounding her highchair.  One of the showers is due... ok... overdue for a thorough cleaning.  I need to review my Bible study and prepare to facilitate the discussion.  I haven't slept well... maybe due to the pregnancy, but either way, a good 30 minute pre-natal yoga session would sure be nice.

My mind is overwhelmed with the never-ending to-list my home faces.  Yet my body tells me, "Sit."

I have found that being a stay-at-home mom has not turned out to be what I envisioned.  Or at least... much harder than I thought.  What doesn't help is seeing other moms appear to have it all together.  Maybe it seems they do.  Maybe they actually do.  Either way, for me, that's a real doozy.  It really makes the failure aspect seem more dramatic.  Does anyone else resonate? 

It is no secret that I'm not the tidiest person on the planet.  I'm definitely not a clean freak.  My home gets neglected as I have found it's next to impossible to keep up on it.  As I look around my less than tidy and clean home, I find myself thinking, "Wow, I am really failing at being a stay-at-home mom.  I want to have things picked up, cleaned, dinner ready, candles burning, all that surely will make for a happy home."

And I'm sure that all of that does help to have a happier home.  I know I ALWAYS feel better when the pile of dishes are finally done or I take 1 minute to make the bed.

But I started to think... what role do I really have in making my home a pleasant place for my children and husband?  Is it just being a homemaker or is that and then some?
I began poking around the well-known verses of Proverbs 31 and began to ask myself if I was doing any of the things the verse speaks of.  

Verse 27 says "She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."
To me, that verse speaks to the role I have to keep my home maintained in regards to cleanliness and tidiness.  To be honest, I don't know how moms can accomplish this daily when taking care of a baby, chasing a toddler around, or working full-time and then coming home to take care of your child and husband.  I really struggle with how this can be accomplished without taking the last 2% of your energy.  And I even have a cleaning calendar!  It doesn't work.

However, besides verse 27, there are 21 more verses that speak on the characteristics of a woman who fears the Lord.  And they are not all about keeping your house clean.

The responsibilities and characteristics listed are pretty clear.  And actually, I'm quite thankful they are listed there plain as day.
Does my husband's heart trust me?
Do I seek to do my husband only good and not harm?
Do I work with willing hands?
Do I provide healthy meals for my family?
Do I have a healthy self-image of myself in who my identity is in Jesus Christ?
Do I serve and give freely to those less fortunate or in need?
Do I have a joyful disposition?
Am I teaching my children to be kind through my own examples?
Am I respected by my children and praised by my husband?
Do I have a healthy fear and respect for the God of the universe?

I have labeled myself a failure of a mom and wife by only viewing my role through the lens of how my home looks.  A complete and utter mess.

I know myself well enough to know I won't ever be able to complete all 22 verses of Psalm 31 in one day.  But they are clear characteristics I can aim for and pray about when I'm struggling in an area.  If on Monday, all I manage to accomplish is feeding my child and husband healthy meals and singing and dancing around the living room to worship music with Selah, and that alone gives me joy, then that's a win for the day and I think God would be pleased with that.
If on Tuesday, all I can manage is to spend nap time reading God's word and do something that speaks to my husband's love language of Acts of Service, then that's a win for the day and I believe God would be pleased.

The other side to this is that seeking to live in a Proverbs 31 manner is 1) words to live by from God himself and 2) living in this manner is what my children will see.  I want nothing more than for my children to love God with their whole hearts, to be loving and respectful spouses and to live joyful, God-filled lives.  So herein lies an even bigger responsibility that goes beyond just myself.

There are always areas that will come a little easier or more natural when it comes to roles as a wife and mother.  But the areas that I struggle with, instead of considering that area a lost cause and I'll always fail in that particular area(s), those are the areas to be praying over.  I need to ask that God would instill within me the energy needed to accomplish it, that I could view those "failures" with grace and try again tomorrow, and that God would fill me with a desire to run my home in a manner that is pleasing to Him.

Just to be clear, the next time you come to our home, don't expect it to be cleaned thoroughly.  A person can better themselves but I don't think I'll ever change into a clean, neat freak :-)  

Putting all your eggs in a hardship basket

My small group Bible study is going over this question and this question in of itself is a loaded one. My wheels are turning and my head is spinning as I flip through the Bible attempting to find answers. 

How would you try to relate the divine perfection of God to someone facing:
- Severe illness?
- Personal moral failure?
- Bereavement?
- Temporary loss of faith?
- Job loss?
- A broken relationship?

Wow.  Gulp... uhhhhh?  
I think anyone reading this has either A) gone through at least one of the above hardships or B) knows someone who has.  And this list is definitely not exhaustive.

This post is going to be an explosion of my thoughts as I try to make sense of this and I even thought to myself... perhaps I should just journal these thoughts privately.  But everyone benefits from hearing Scripture.  Not my words.  God's words.  Because God's words are truth and life.

The first thing that came to mind is the age old question that so many ask when facing hardships: Is God good?

When hardships happen, when relationships fail, when death looms, when failure consumes your heart, when children suffer, it seems a fair question to ask the God of the universe who holds such power, "God, are you really good?"

The Bible clearly states, yes.  God is good.
Psalm 34:8 
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Why do bad things happen to good people?  Well...we live in a broken world.  A sinful world.  A world where bad things will happen because people have the freedom to make bad decisions, which negatively affect themselves and others.  
If nothing bad ever happened... we would live in a perfect world.  What need would we have for a Savior if we lived in a perfect world?  

This next verse, one little word had a big impact on me.
Psalm 4:1
Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!  You have given me relief when I was in distress.  Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.

The little word relief stuck out to me as I was searching for a verse to help answer the question above.

People, myself included, tend to view God as their own personal genie... who they can call on at any time.  When bad things happen, when I am really hurting and could really use some good things in my life, now would be a good time to start praying "Dear God, I need this.  Dear God, I need that.  Dear God, life is really beating me down and I need you to take it all away."

Don't hear me wrong.  God is omnipresent and is readily available to those who seek Him.  And yes, it's absolutely acceptable to call on the name of the Lord in times of distress.  What's not acceptable is only using God in those moments of distress.  We are to praise God.  We are to worship God.  We are to thank Him for all He has done, for all He has provided us, for all He has taught us, in addition to calling on Him in times of hardship.  Just read the Psalms.  It's filled with David crying out to God in times of major distress.  But David did more than just cry out for help.  He acknowledged who God was, His power, His authority, His goodness.

The question of why do bad things happen to good people is a difficult one to answer.  I think everyone wants to hear: 
"Pray to God and He will heal your son of cancer."
"Pray to God and He will get your job back."
"Pray to God and He will wipe out all child abuse."

Yes, miracles happen.  Yes, God could absolutely do all of this.  But I don't believe we are meant to live in a world where all our prayers are answered in the way we'd like them to be answered.  Because our ways, while usually good intentioned, will always be flawed. God's ways, God's plans are perfect, regardless of the outcome we endure.  What matters is how we face those trials and how we respond to God.

God wants us to seek Him.  In all things.  And perhaps in the verse Psalm 4:1, the word relief does not mean, "God will fix everything and make it the way you want it to be." Perhaps the word relief does mean complete deliverance from the hardship, and be exactly what you were praying for, a miraculous healing of a disease, a broken relationship miraculously restored... but what if the word relief could mean something else?  What if relief means God giving you peace over the situation, no matter the outcome?  What if relief means accepting the hardship for what it is and moving forward as you seek to continue learning from God?

If you put all your eggs in the terminal illness basket...
If you put all your eggs in the broken relationship basket...
If you put all your eggs in a shattered career basket...

We are left with an empty hole within, we are left hungry, we are left in want... because we have put all we are, all we understand...everything... in that one broken moment that we cannot grasp to understand.
Psalm 34:10 says "The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

I want to live my life in such a way that seeks the Lord in all things, good and bad, and who truly asks His will be done, not mine.  And that He would grant me exactly what I need in those moments no matter what His will is, even if it doesn't align with my desires.  And I would desire to respond in such a way that is glorifying and praise worthy to Him, no matter the outcome.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty dark place where I underlined tons of verses in Psalms that said things like, "Where are you God?  Why have you forsaken me?  Hear me, O God."  I wept many times as I read those verses.  In hind sight... I was putting all my eggs in the broken relationships basket and I felt utterly empty as it consumed me.  At times, it felt useless asking God to intervene.  

But what good did that do to focus on the brokenness?  I had failed to continue reading on in the Psalms where David writes of God's faithfulness, God's power, His love, His goodness.  
His relief...
His relief may not be what I had planned or what I thought was best.  His relief IS best.  His relief, in any way, shape or form, is what I want to focus on when I pray for help through a hardship.  Whether that is complete deliverance, or complete peace and acceptance.

O God, help shape my view of you as a God who knows what's best for my life.  Please shatter the picture I have of you as a magic genie who will answer prayers however I think is best.  Remind me of my constant need for you, my Savior and that Your will is perfect and divine.  Protect my thoughts and heart from being consumed by the idea of loss and rather focus my thoughts and heart on Your goodness, even in those moments of hardship.  Grant me your strength when my faith wanes and when I begin to question Your power and authority.  You have not left me.  You have not forsaken me.  You are good, God.  

Growing

Our little family of 3 will be growing by 1 more!

Our newest addition to the family will be joining us this April (Lord willing).  No April fooling!  We are thrilled!  It's such a mix of emotions for me; I'm incredibly excited to see Selah as a big sister but the flipside is that my first baby girl, won't be the baby anymore.

I am 11 weeks, 12 on Friday.  So far during this first trimester, I've felt pretty crummy.  When I was pregnant with Selah, the morning sickness usually hit in the evenings.  And I had MANY STRONG cravings.  This time around, the morning sickness lingers through most of the day and NOTHING sounds good.  I take that back... bagels loaded with cream cheese and chocolate milkshakes have sounded tolerable.  And cold deli sandwiches which I can't have.  Bah!  But I haven't really had a single "I MUST HAVE THIS FOOD NOW!" craving.  

I'm not sleeping well; for some odd reason, I keep waking at the 2a hour and lay awake for who knows how long.

The morning sickness with Selah disappeared immediately when the second trimester began.  Here's to hoping the same happens this time around!   The second trimester begins the weekend of my brother's wedding, so I'm really hoping it dissipates by then otherwise it will make for a much harder roadtrip to Alabama.

We're so thankful for the little peanut growing within me.  Thank you Lord for the miracle of life.  Being pregnant opens up my eyes to the amazing miracle of life created by the God of the universe.  How a baby forms and grows inside a woman is amazing, complex, beautiful, and mind boggling when you really read or watch videos as to the development and growth taking place within a woman.  Something that can only come from the creativity and power of the one and only God.  Take 2 minutes and watch this video and see what happens from week 1 to week 9.  Amazing. 

Here's a peek at the photo shoot we attempted with Selah.  I find the ones where she pushes over the baby's pumpkin particularly funny.  It always seems to take like 50 takes before finding a good one, especially with an active toddler.

Thank God for friends

I mean that whole heartedly.  I truly am so thankful that God has given us the gift of friendship. Community. Doing life together. Friendship.  It's a beautiful thing.

We just had our second annual small group pool party.  Let me clarify that the men and women are in separate small groups.  Otherwise, this would not be considered a small group but a small army Bible study instead!  
We compared some photos from last year (although I don't have them) and we all get a kick out of how much our group continues to grow as we all keep growing our families.

We went from 4 babies last summer to 8 babies this summer.  Next summer, there will be even more children!  Love that we're all in this season together.  I can't wait to see how our friendships grow and blossom in the years to come through the ups and downs that life inevitably brings.

Here's a few photos of our cutie pie babies and our group of dear friends.  
Photo credit to Jessica Keith

Selah, Jack and Ella

Ella and Selah - is this not SO adorable?!  Let's hold hands!

Incredibly grateful that the Lord brought these people into my life (missing the Harts and Novosads)

The dads with the kiddos (I wish I had last year's photo to compare!)

Two summers

This summer has been the exact opposite of last summer.

This is a glimpse into last summer:

- Holding my newborn.  Most of the day.

- Trying to figure out how to nurse my bobble headed daughter

- Napping as much as I could because... well... you'd want to nap frequently too if you felt you'd been hit by a truck every morning.

- Taking an occasional walk down our street but they would be short because baby carriers are hot in the summer and it can be brutal on the back after awhile.

- Deciding between eating lunch or showering during her 30 minute naps

- Greeting my husband in the same pajamas he saw me in that morning and most likely, still didn't have brushed teeth.  Yes. I know. Gross.
- Went grocery shopping in the evening by myself, most likely still wearing my pajamas.

This summer is much more the painted picture my mind imagined before Selah was even born regarding what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mommy.  This summer has been so fun already and it seems inconceivable that in just 12 months, my life has changed that drastically.  But it has.  Selah has gone from a helpless newborn to a smart, active toddler, in just 12 short months.

A glimpse into this summer:
- She sleeps so much better now, praise the Lord!  I think we have finally hit a solid, good stride in the sleep department.  I still take a nap from time to time when she does because ... well... again... chasing an active toddler around all day is a tiring job.

- We laugh, play, read books, take walks in her big girl wagon, we go to the park, we have playdates, she splashes in her kiddie pool, she studies Baby Einstein, she walks around the house carrying her babydoll, ball, dish towels, shoes, remote controls, and pillows.  It's all so incredibly adorable.
- More often that not, I greet my husband in regular clothes, not pajamas, and with brushed teeth.  Maybe brushed hair.  But probably not.
- I can take her grocery shopping and she's usually content hanging out in the cart as long as I bring some snacks for her to munch on.
- I can get household chores done.  Last summer, I could barely get anything done but I eventually learned to let go of that ambitious goal.
- She'll "read" menus at restaurants or "read" her Dr. Seuss Foot Book and that is also incredibly cute.
- Every room she plays in looks as though a tornado went through it.  But I don't mind :-)
- We have weekly mommy/daughter Panera dates where we share a bagel (it's good for both of us to have a change of scenery!) and she charms every person that walks by with her adorable, happy smile and twinkling eyes.  

It's quite peculiar how much change occurs in the first 12 months.  She has learned to entertain herself for periods of time and I have learned how to better multi-task because of her progression.  I feel the two of us girls have finally hit our sweet spot.  For the time being anyway. 

Trust me, we still have our fair share of hard days when she is overly fussy, whiny, bored, cranky or discontent.  These are the days when she chooses to hang on my legs while I slowly shuffle through the kitchen attempting to get dinner started.  But that's expected.  It's still tiring and hard but at least the positive days highly outweigh the crummy days.

Loving life with my girl!  Selah Grace, you bring us such joy!

Her piggytails aged her another year!

What a goofball (wonder where she got that from?)

We love summer

First taste of chocolate

Mommy and Selah bagel date

The VERY FIRST TIME she fell asleep in her crib while playing AND while daddy was hammering downstairs.

Exploring at the DuPage Children's Museum

This girl LOVES mama's hats

Close enough

Saying hi to daddy during his first week of travel

Post bath when she gets really wound up!

A baby, a cupcake, a wagon and a whole lotta love

The pressure to make your child's birthday party an unforgettable extravaganza is out of this world.  The lengths that some parents (ok, probably moms) go to is enough to make a humble homemade tissue-paper decorated party look like we're punishing our child.  And that's exactly what Selah's party was like.  Not the punishment part.  But homemade tissue-paper decorations, oh yes.  And I was darn proud of them.

I am not one to conform to the pressures our society puts on us moms to go to such lengths.  And guess what.  I love my child more than anyone could possibly fathom.  Even if I don't buy her ponies and tiaras and rent out a reception hall.  I may be stubborn in areas that cause tension unnecessarily but when it comes to saying to no to the pressures of society, I have no problem standing on my soap box and wearing a "Just say NO" sticker loud and proud.  

Throwing an elaborate party for your child isn't wrong.  Who's to say what's too elaborate?  If you want to throw your child a grandiose party, more power to you.  However, I know what I consider elaborate.  And what may be innocent party planning at times, but for me, I'm not going to allow myself to be consumed by the competitive and outlandish world of pressure we mother tend to put on ourselves.

So instead of this (which is amazing and gorgeous and I'm sure daughter and mommy both loved every minute of this party) but we're just not that fancy around here.

We had a little party in our backyard with close family and friends who love our daughter and have witnessed her grow over the last year. Some may think even I went over the top for Selah's party.  I know she won't remember it.  But this was a special day and I wanted to make it nice and memorable, even if just for me.  One day, Selah will be able to look at the pictures and watch the videos of her first birthday and she will see how excited we were to celebrate her! After all, it's a big accomplishment to make it through the first year!  We SURVIVED!!!  And we still want to keep her ;-) 

Check out those homemade tissue paper pom poms!  Haha Up close they were definitely not so great but I was happy with how they turned out overall.

Selah and Zeke

Please enjoy the progression of her facial expressions as she tries the cupcake frosting

Selah and Ella

Ella, Selah and Ilona

Getting dressed for her party

Loving her new wagon!

Selah and her Popi

Selah and her Mimi

Selah and her Grammy Bobbi and Grandpa Ray

Selah with her Great Grandma Cris and Great Grandpa George

Two brothers and their girls