Good in the world

It can be very discouraging and even depressing when we learn about all the horrors that infiltrate our world.  More so... feelings of terror, hopelessness, confusion, and sadness can fill our minds and hearts when we are bombarded with news headlines of fatal car accidents, murders, persecution, terrorism, abuse, and the list goes on and on.  

It makes your heart ache.  It makes you cry out and beg God to come back now so the pain of this world can be left behind.

This morning, I opened my computer to update our budget.  As I finished, the name of an author and speaker popped into my head (I greatly enjoy this woman's writings) and I typed her name into the Google search, Shauna Niequist.  I went to her blog and began reading a few of her posts.  

She recently posted about the loss and grievances of miscarriages or losing an infant.  As I read through the comments on that post, my eyes filled with tears and my heart was filled with encouragement.  Person after person wrote about their experience losing a child, most were unborn, and people responded with such love and care.  Strangers.  Complete strangers responded with love, care, and empathy to one another.  And I thought... what a beautiful thing.  People truly caring for one another, even though they've never met.  

I don't think it's a coincidence that an experience that brings such grief can produce such love.  I imagine God is smiling as His people are practicing Jesus' love to another in the midst of such heartache... all while He is holding those precious babies in His loving arms in a special place where they are in pain no more.

Today, my heart smiles at the good in the world.  Jesus' love is shining brightly today.

My role

It's 7:03pm and I just got my daughter down for the night.  My husband is traveling; the house is quiet... it's dark... it's just me.  I feel the weight of the long day pressing in.  Ok... now what?  The living room floor is littered with Selah's toys and books.  A laundry basket of clean clothes need to be put away in their rightful places.  There are crumbs on the floor surrounding her highchair.  One of the showers is due... ok... overdue for a thorough cleaning.  I need to review my Bible study and prepare to facilitate the discussion.  I haven't slept well... maybe due to the pregnancy, but either way, a good 30 minute pre-natal yoga session would sure be nice.

My mind is overwhelmed with the never-ending to-list my home faces.  Yet my body tells me, "Sit."

I have found that being a stay-at-home mom has not turned out to be what I envisioned.  Or at least... much harder than I thought.  What doesn't help is seeing other moms appear to have it all together.  Maybe it seems they do.  Maybe they actually do.  Either way, for me, that's a real doozy.  It really makes the failure aspect seem more dramatic.  Does anyone else resonate? 

It is no secret that I'm not the tidiest person on the planet.  I'm definitely not a clean freak.  My home gets neglected as I have found it's next to impossible to keep up on it.  As I look around my less than tidy and clean home, I find myself thinking, "Wow, I am really failing at being a stay-at-home mom.  I want to have things picked up, cleaned, dinner ready, candles burning, all that surely will make for a happy home."

And I'm sure that all of that does help to have a happier home.  I know I ALWAYS feel better when the pile of dishes are finally done or I take 1 minute to make the bed.

But I started to think... what role do I really have in making my home a pleasant place for my children and husband?  Is it just being a homemaker or is that and then some?
I began poking around the well-known verses of Proverbs 31 and began to ask myself if I was doing any of the things the verse speaks of.  

Verse 27 says "She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."
To me, that verse speaks to the role I have to keep my home maintained in regards to cleanliness and tidiness.  To be honest, I don't know how moms can accomplish this daily when taking care of a baby, chasing a toddler around, or working full-time and then coming home to take care of your child and husband.  I really struggle with how this can be accomplished without taking the last 2% of your energy.  And I even have a cleaning calendar!  It doesn't work.

However, besides verse 27, there are 21 more verses that speak on the characteristics of a woman who fears the Lord.  And they are not all about keeping your house clean.

The responsibilities and characteristics listed are pretty clear.  And actually, I'm quite thankful they are listed there plain as day.
Does my husband's heart trust me?
Do I seek to do my husband only good and not harm?
Do I work with willing hands?
Do I provide healthy meals for my family?
Do I have a healthy self-image of myself in who my identity is in Jesus Christ?
Do I serve and give freely to those less fortunate or in need?
Do I have a joyful disposition?
Am I teaching my children to be kind through my own examples?
Am I respected by my children and praised by my husband?
Do I have a healthy fear and respect for the God of the universe?

I have labeled myself a failure of a mom and wife by only viewing my role through the lens of how my home looks.  A complete and utter mess.

I know myself well enough to know I won't ever be able to complete all 22 verses of Psalm 31 in one day.  But they are clear characteristics I can aim for and pray about when I'm struggling in an area.  If on Monday, all I manage to accomplish is feeding my child and husband healthy meals and singing and dancing around the living room to worship music with Selah, and that alone gives me joy, then that's a win for the day and I think God would be pleased with that.
If on Tuesday, all I can manage is to spend nap time reading God's word and do something that speaks to my husband's love language of Acts of Service, then that's a win for the day and I believe God would be pleased.

The other side to this is that seeking to live in a Proverbs 31 manner is 1) words to live by from God himself and 2) living in this manner is what my children will see.  I want nothing more than for my children to love God with their whole hearts, to be loving and respectful spouses and to live joyful, God-filled lives.  So herein lies an even bigger responsibility that goes beyond just myself.

There are always areas that will come a little easier or more natural when it comes to roles as a wife and mother.  But the areas that I struggle with, instead of considering that area a lost cause and I'll always fail in that particular area(s), those are the areas to be praying over.  I need to ask that God would instill within me the energy needed to accomplish it, that I could view those "failures" with grace and try again tomorrow, and that God would fill me with a desire to run my home in a manner that is pleasing to Him.

Just to be clear, the next time you come to our home, don't expect it to be cleaned thoroughly.  A person can better themselves but I don't think I'll ever change into a clean, neat freak :-)  

Putting all your eggs in a hardship basket

My small group Bible study is going over this question and this question in of itself is a loaded one. My wheels are turning and my head is spinning as I flip through the Bible attempting to find answers. 

How would you try to relate the divine perfection of God to someone facing:
- Severe illness?
- Personal moral failure?
- Bereavement?
- Temporary loss of faith?
- Job loss?
- A broken relationship?

Wow.  Gulp... uhhhhh?  
I think anyone reading this has either A) gone through at least one of the above hardships or B) knows someone who has.  And this list is definitely not exhaustive.

This post is going to be an explosion of my thoughts as I try to make sense of this and I even thought to myself... perhaps I should just journal these thoughts privately.  But everyone benefits from hearing Scripture.  Not my words.  God's words.  Because God's words are truth and life.

The first thing that came to mind is the age old question that so many ask when facing hardships: Is God good?

When hardships happen, when relationships fail, when death looms, when failure consumes your heart, when children suffer, it seems a fair question to ask the God of the universe who holds such power, "God, are you really good?"

The Bible clearly states, yes.  God is good.
Psalm 34:8 
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Why do bad things happen to good people?  Well...we live in a broken world.  A sinful world.  A world where bad things will happen because people have the freedom to make bad decisions, which negatively affect themselves and others.  
If nothing bad ever happened... we would live in a perfect world.  What need would we have for a Savior if we lived in a perfect world?  

This next verse, one little word had a big impact on me.
Psalm 4:1
Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!  You have given me relief when I was in distress.  Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.

The little word relief stuck out to me as I was searching for a verse to help answer the question above.

People, myself included, tend to view God as their own personal genie... who they can call on at any time.  When bad things happen, when I am really hurting and could really use some good things in my life, now would be a good time to start praying "Dear God, I need this.  Dear God, I need that.  Dear God, life is really beating me down and I need you to take it all away."

Don't hear me wrong.  God is omnipresent and is readily available to those who seek Him.  And yes, it's absolutely acceptable to call on the name of the Lord in times of distress.  What's not acceptable is only using God in those moments of distress.  We are to praise God.  We are to worship God.  We are to thank Him for all He has done, for all He has provided us, for all He has taught us, in addition to calling on Him in times of hardship.  Just read the Psalms.  It's filled with David crying out to God in times of major distress.  But David did more than just cry out for help.  He acknowledged who God was, His power, His authority, His goodness.

The question of why do bad things happen to good people is a difficult one to answer.  I think everyone wants to hear: 
"Pray to God and He will heal your son of cancer."
"Pray to God and He will get your job back."
"Pray to God and He will wipe out all child abuse."

Yes, miracles happen.  Yes, God could absolutely do all of this.  But I don't believe we are meant to live in a world where all our prayers are answered in the way we'd like them to be answered.  Because our ways, while usually good intentioned, will always be flawed. God's ways, God's plans are perfect, regardless of the outcome we endure.  What matters is how we face those trials and how we respond to God.

God wants us to seek Him.  In all things.  And perhaps in the verse Psalm 4:1, the word relief does not mean, "God will fix everything and make it the way you want it to be." Perhaps the word relief does mean complete deliverance from the hardship, and be exactly what you were praying for, a miraculous healing of a disease, a broken relationship miraculously restored... but what if the word relief could mean something else?  What if relief means God giving you peace over the situation, no matter the outcome?  What if relief means accepting the hardship for what it is and moving forward as you seek to continue learning from God?

If you put all your eggs in the terminal illness basket...
If you put all your eggs in the broken relationship basket...
If you put all your eggs in a shattered career basket...

We are left with an empty hole within, we are left hungry, we are left in want... because we have put all we are, all we understand...everything... in that one broken moment that we cannot grasp to understand.
Psalm 34:10 says "The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

I want to live my life in such a way that seeks the Lord in all things, good and bad, and who truly asks His will be done, not mine.  And that He would grant me exactly what I need in those moments no matter what His will is, even if it doesn't align with my desires.  And I would desire to respond in such a way that is glorifying and praise worthy to Him, no matter the outcome.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty dark place where I underlined tons of verses in Psalms that said things like, "Where are you God?  Why have you forsaken me?  Hear me, O God."  I wept many times as I read those verses.  In hind sight... I was putting all my eggs in the broken relationships basket and I felt utterly empty as it consumed me.  At times, it felt useless asking God to intervene.  

But what good did that do to focus on the brokenness?  I had failed to continue reading on in the Psalms where David writes of God's faithfulness, God's power, His love, His goodness.  
His relief...
His relief may not be what I had planned or what I thought was best.  His relief IS best.  His relief, in any way, shape or form, is what I want to focus on when I pray for help through a hardship.  Whether that is complete deliverance, or complete peace and acceptance.

O God, help shape my view of you as a God who knows what's best for my life.  Please shatter the picture I have of you as a magic genie who will answer prayers however I think is best.  Remind me of my constant need for you, my Savior and that Your will is perfect and divine.  Protect my thoughts and heart from being consumed by the idea of loss and rather focus my thoughts and heart on Your goodness, even in those moments of hardship.  Grant me your strength when my faith wanes and when I begin to question Your power and authority.  You have not left me.  You have not forsaken me.  You are good, God.