Consistently inconsistent

I know it's an odd thing to mull over... consistently inconsistent.  By their very definitions, these two words are antonyms.  Yet these two words accurately describe my life in this season of raising a baby.

A couple of weeks ago, I sat down during Selah's afternoon nap and began writing about how it took 8 long months to finally get her on a schedule.  The schedule was beautiful.  Eating, playing, sleeping, the whole day was set up just right.  It was b-e-a-utiful.  Finally!  
I kid you not, it took 8 months to get to that point.  And for a mommy who enjoys... strike that... typically needs an expected schedule in her life, it was more annoying than anything to not have that. Although, believe me... I tried.  Funnily enough, that post I started writing about her wonderful schedule was quickly deleted because the day after I began writing, she abandoned her schedule.  Isn't ironic... dontcha think?

Boy did it drive me crazy that I couldn't figure out my daughter and help guide her into a schedule.  Mainly the biggest issue has been with naps.  For the life of me, I have not been able to get my daughter to nap well.  My poor husband can vouch for this; he is always the one on the other end of my text messages that say "it's not going well... again."

You want to know what I mean by consistently inconsistent?  It'd take up too much space to write about all the different ways Selah has napped since she has been born.  Let's just say she has accepted and rejected all sorts of napping scenarios and changes it up about every month.

That is what I mean by consistently inconsistent.  I can always count on my daughter to throw us a new type of curve ball just about every month.  It's exhausting and frustrating.  And yes, I know this goes for most babies. Once we figure "it" out, they decide it's time to change it up again. Gotta keep mom and dad on our toes.

So far in our very short parenthood journey, it's proven true that the joyful times have greatly outweighed the challenging and stressful times.  We often look through the hundreds, if not thousands of pictures and videos of her, loving all the warm fuzzies that come with it.  Caleb and I will be reminiscing and one of will say, "Remember when she went through (blank) and how tough that was?!"  And the other responds with "Ohh yea... wow... yea that was tough... but I kinda forgot about it."
That's true.

There are times I have forgotten what it was like to struggle with breastfeeding (hands down the hardest thing I've faced in my life).
There are times I have forgotten what it was like to fear running errands because the second I would get stopped by a red light, she would cry.  
There are times I have forgotten what it was like to spend 40 minutes getting her back to sleep at night, creep out of her silent room and the second I crawl into bed, her cries pierce through the monitor.

While at times we have forgotten the challenges, in the moments they happened, I promise you, they were our Mount Everest.  
This woman wrote an awesome post that really spoke to me.  She writes about the 3 most important words a parent needs to hear: "You'll get there."  
Basically it's all about the challenges you face as a parent but to tell yourself, this will eventually pass, it won't last forever, you'll get there.
I don't know this woman but she wrote what I had been feeling; it was freeing to know someone else "gets" it and furthermore, supported how I have been feeling.  
I'll be honest, in the tough moments of parenthood it's hard to be honest with people how you're feeling because it's inevitable people give you this particular piece of unsolicited advice, "Enjoy these moments, it goes by too fast."  I know they mean well.  But whether they know it or not, it diminishes the trial I'm facing.  

Trust me, I know to savor the moments with my daughter.  One day, too soon I'm sure, she will be grown and gone.  But when we're having a bad day, it doesn't mean that I should hold in my feelings of discouragement, exhaustion, frustration, impatience, etc.  Those are very real emotions that any parent will experience.

I do not want to forget all the struggles I've faced as a parent because I want to be able to listen to and console a new mommy as she cries over the hardship of nursing.  I want to be able to show I care for and understand the hardships of having a child that does not sleep well.  I want to show empathy to these mommys and let them know, you're not alone. Yes, it will pass.  But in the moment it happens, it's ok to be frustrated.  It's ok to even be angry.  In the moment, this is the Mount Everest you're facing and who are we to diminish someone else's trial by brushing past their hardship and smacking them in the face with a "much needed dose of optimism and perspective."

I am slowly accepting the notion that my kid is going to continue throwing us curve balls.  I hope that someday soon her consistent inconsistencies will even out but in the mean time, I suppose I should take it one day at a time, attempt to remember the challenges, be a listening ear to another struggling mommy and that's what I can be consistent in.