Two little pink lines

The anticipation was more than I could stand.  It felt like eternity as we waited 3 minutes, hoping to see two pink lines.  Having already taken 3 pregnancy tests the week before, none of which provided a definite answer “yes”, my thoughts were racing.
“I just know I’m pregnant…” “I haven’t started my cycle yet… I know I am!”  “But the other tests were negative…” “What if this test says negative too?” “Could we be parents today… this very moment?”

The longest 3 minutes of my life were up.  It was time to look.  Shock. Awe. Joy. Disbelief. 2 pink lines.  2 PINK LINES.  2 pink lines = pregnant.

It is hard to even describe how I felt in that moment.  Tears streamed down my face as I had waited for this experience for a long time.  I had tried to imagine what this moment would be like.  I was filled with sheer joy knowing a teeny tiny miracle was growing inside of me…. Followed by the sheer fear that a teeny tiny miracle was growing inside of me!  Holy cow.

I will not go into all the detail in writing because it’s all in the videos posted.  But I had not planned on Caleb being with me when we found out.  I had initially wanted our pregnancy to be a surprise to him.  But it was actually very sweet that he was there.  In classic Caleb style, he remained calm.  He remained calm because the reality of a baby growing inside of me that very minute had not at all sunk in for him.

I grew up in a family where we videotaped just about everything.   You name a life event and we probably videotaped it.  Naturally, having things videotaped are quite important to me.  Being able to look back on that video after 10+ years brings such joy to my heart.  This milestone had to be taped!  

Moments after seeing the 2 lines, I said “Get the camera!  Get the camera!”  Caleb grabbed the video camera so we could get as much of this experience on camera as we possibly could.  The following video opens a window into the first 2 minutes of us finding out we are going to be parents. 

This second video is where I go into more detail of what had happened the week prior leading up to the positive test.

Our first ultrasound is this Monday, October 22.  This is the appointment we will hear our son, or daughter’s heartbeat for the very first time.  I tear up just thinking about it.  I am blown away by the miracle of a child.  I often look up websites to see what’s happening to nugget this week (that is what we’ve nicknamed the kiddo).  He/she is so incredibly small right now but the development that is happening is unbelievable!  An absolute miracle. 

I feel overwhelmed with this gift.  I have thanked God so many times that he has chosen me to be a vessel to grow this gift and that He is crafting him/her and forming him/her right this very moment.  What a beautiful picture.

While my heart is filled with joy for our little miracle, my heart also remains heavy for those who have not been able to conceive.  The joyful side of me wants to shout it from the rooftops.  But the sensitive side wants to be  respectful and grieve with those whose hearts yearn for a child but have not yet experienced the miracle for themselves.  My heart does ache for you.  May the Lord hear your cries and as 1 Samuel says, “grant your petition.”

I will be honest.  The dreaded “M” word does creep into my mind.  I have known so many people who experience the “M” word with their first pregnancy and I think that fear is natural.  There are people who will advise not to share the news of your pregnancy until the 2^nd trimester just so the chances increase of delivering a full-term baby.  I see the value in that.  Why cause yourself the heartache of sharing happy news, only to have to share bad news later.  However, I once heard someone say something to the effect of, complications could happen at any time in a pregnancy.  But right now, I AM pregnant.  And I am joyful NOW and I want to share that joy!  I am not going to live in fear of what could happen.  Right now, there is a living and growing child within me.  And I want to celebrate that.

I have clung to two verses over the past month and have read them over and over again.  They are penned beautifully and they mean more now than they ever have before.
1 Samuel 1:27-28
For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.  Therefore, I have lent him to the Lord.  As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

I am 9 weeks, almost 10 (on Monday).  The first trimester is week 1-12.  It’s crazy that I am almost entering my 2^nd trimester already!  I guess it’s easy for the first trimester to fly by when you don’t even know you’re pregnant for the first few weeks.

Anyway, that is our story.  Thanks be to God alone.  All praise and glory given to God alone.  This is His child.  I am honored that He has chosen Caleb and I to be this child’s earthly parents.  This is truly a gift.  This is truly a miracle.  We are thrilled and absolutely ecstatic to be able to meet our little nugget this May.

May the journey continue.