And so the posts begin...

I know my family will want to see these updates.  So here the journey begins, documenting the growth and development of nugget and the ups and downs for this mama-to-be!  

Week: 11 (or 10 if you're the ultrasound technician)

Due Date:  Tricky... May 20 is what I'm sticking with 

Size: Nugget is just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig and has almost fully formed. His/her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under his/her gums, and some of the bones are beginning to harden.

Nausea:  None at all for the first 5 weeks then it kicked in during the morning around 6-9 weeks.  I went through a box of saltines pretty quickly.  Recently it has switched to the evenings.  I really can't complain though.  

Aches and Pains:  Just today I felt some pains/pinches in my.... well... womb.  Perhaps it's stretching a bit?

Cravings: Oh boy.  Here we go:

- Watermelon

- Taco Bell - steak quesadilla

- Arby's - plain roast beef sandwich

- Crab meat with cocktail sauce

- Cold milk

(There are a few cravings that hit immediately and I just had to have them or I thought I would die.  I ate them but one time sufficed and now I'm done: Panera breakfast sandwich, steak,  and KFC).

Bump: It shows noticeably when I wear the outfit below.  Everything else covers it pretty well.  But it's definitely there!

Movement: It's the size of a fig... of course I feel nothing yet.

Looking forward to: Finding out if nugget is a boy or girl!

Missing the most: Candy.  I don't want any of it.  But that's totally a good thing.

This photo is me and nugget at 10 weeks (says the most recent dr. appt because that is what nugget is measuring.  However, all calendars point to 11 weeks).  SO.... I'm inclined to say 11 weeks :)

My first pregnancy related meltdown

I've always heard how pregnancy can wreak havoc on your hormones.  I believe I may have experienced my first pregnancy related meltdown.  I've had some moments of being in a sour mood or felt rather short.  But nothing like what I experienced last Thursday evening.

It was rainy when I left work at 4:30pm.  I know exactly where the slowed traffic hits during my commute.  But today it hit early, much earlier that normal which means one thing: it will range from stopped traffic to 5 miles an hour for a long... long.... long period of time.  

Oh boy.. here we go.  I've sat in this before.  I can do it again.  

My stomach began to growl.  Oh no... so far in this pregnancy, when my stomach begins growling, hunger pangs hit hard, they hit fast and they are usually for something very specific.   If I don't eat soon, food is all. i. think. about.

After an hour of stop and go traffic on 294, I got onto 64.  Still a decent amount of traffic but at least it was moving.  Drat... I had to stop and get gas.  It was cold.  It was rainy.  It was windy.  And I was still hungry.  But the only thing I wanted was ...*sigh*... Taco Bell.  

I haven't had Taco Bell in years.  Leave it to being pregnant to crave fast food.  I pumped the gas, hopped in the car and continued the drive to the Taco Bell.  However, traffic stopped.  Again.  Dead stopped.  I was probably 5 miles from my house.  And I knew there was a Taco Bell coming up.  Life would be just that much better if I could just pull in the drive-thru and get my beloved steak quesadilla.

By that point, my emotions began to surface.  I was almost home.  WHY wasn't this traffic moving.  The light is GREEN!  GOOOOO!!!!!!  (It was construction.  Stupid construction).

I lost it.  At that point, my commute was coming up on 2.5 hours.

I had kept my cool for the entire trip.  I couldn't take it anymore.  My steering wheel took a beating.  The cars in front of me were screamed at.  I just wanted to be home in my sweats eating my steak quesadilla.  Was that too much to ask?

Traffic finally moved.  At last... Taco Bell.  But wait.... where's the Taco Bell?  It's supposed to be here?  Why isn't it here?  I'm so hungry!  And yes, I whined and cried those exact words.  I'm sure if someone was there with me they would either be scared for their life because of the crazy lady or trying to hold in laughter because I sounded absolutely ridiculous crying about the Taco Bell not being there.

At that point, I was so angry I gunned it home.  I dragged myself inside.  Sat on our steps and called my mama.  And I cried.  I'm laughing now as I write this.  I sure did feel better after crying and complaining to her.  I guess that's all I needed.  Thanks mama.

My wonderful husband brought me home the best gift: a steak quesadilla from Taco Bell.  It was delicious.  Thanks love.

2.5 hour commute + famished pregnant lady + no Taco Bell where I thought there was a Taco Bell = one meltdown of a crazy pregnant woman.

Although, I'm willing to bet you'd be unhappy too ;-)

Sharing our secret

We found out we were pregnant on Sunday, September 16.  We had to keep the secret for 3 more weeks.  Torture!  I think the hardest part was being careful not to slip.  All I had to do was say the word nauseous and people (like my mom) would start to wonder.  Or all I had to do was be caught looking up pregnancy info at work and the secret would be out.

But... we kept it a secret.  The 3 of us.  :)

My birthday provided the perfect opportunity to travel down to Canton to share the exciting news.  We began to set our plan in motion.  Caleb and I finally decided we were going to tell my family with cupcakes.  It was the only thing I could think of that wouldn't be too obvious.  As the plan furthered, it became even more perfect.  All I had to tell them was that my co-workers brought me cupcakes for me birthday and there was no way Caleb and I could eat them all.  So we wanted to share! 

I had to do a bit of texting the week before because I wanted Michael to be there as well.  As we pulled in the driveway, the excitement went through the roof as not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 but all 5 vehicles were in the driveway which meant everyone was there that I had hoped would be there (mom, dad, Michael, Bryan and Stef).  Perfect!

Caleb and I were extremely anxious, nervous and excited.  3 weeks of holding in this secret and we were nervous because we weren't quite sure how our plan was going to pan out.  Here's to hoping!  And let me tell you... it could not have been more perfect.

Grammy had made me an apple pie for my birthday... yum-o!  BUT, the boys had just started a movie. Drat. Hmm.. how was I going to interrupt the movie and get them in the kitchen without it being too obvious?  
A-ha!  I wanted a candle in my pie and I wanted to be sung to.  Now, mind you, this is not normal for me.  I could care less that people sing happy birthday to me.  But it was the only thing I could think of to get the whole family in one spot. 

As soon as I blew out the candle, I gave Caleb the "look" and he went out to grab the cupcakes.  I kept everyone there by telling them how my co-workers made me these really cool cupcakes for my birthday and I wanted everyone to see them and to help us eat them.  
I was shaking.  My face grew hot.  Classic Ashley style, probably began to sweat. Was this going to work??

It. was. perfect.  They all gathered around.  They all squinted and stared at the cupcakes trying to figure out what it said.  And then... the reactions. Watch carefully, my dad figures it out first and you can totally see it when he figures it out.  Love it!

I have watched this video so many times.  I re-play the video in my mind.  And I smile every time.

We proceeded to a wiener roast later that evening since the majority of my extended family would be there.  Perfect!  I took a Bears onesie and simply held it up and they knew immediately.  I LOVE Aimee's reaction!

We knew we had to hit Wheaton on the way home to tell Ray and Bobbi because we certainly did not want the news to leak out.  That same weekend was the Spoon River Drive.  So we told them we had picked up some gifts for them on the craft drive as a thank you for all the support and gifts they had given us for the house.  Ray's gift was a Bears onesie and Bobbi's gift was a picture frame of a few photos of Caleb and I sharing the news.  Again, same physical reaction, got shaky, felt anxious, aahhh!  But Bobbi's reaction is hilarious!

There ya have it folks.  Sharing this news was something I had dreamed of for a long time.  And sharing the news was every bit as wonderful as I had imagined.

Two little pink lines

The anticipation was more than I could stand.  It felt like eternity as we waited 3 minutes, hoping to see two pink lines.  Having already taken 3 pregnancy tests the week before, none of which provided a definite answer “yes”, my thoughts were racing.
“I just know I’m pregnant…” “I haven’t started my cycle yet… I know I am!”  “But the other tests were negative…” “What if this test says negative too?” “Could we be parents today… this very moment?”

The longest 3 minutes of my life were up.  It was time to look.  Shock. Awe. Joy. Disbelief. 2 pink lines.  2 PINK LINES.  2 pink lines = pregnant.

It is hard to even describe how I felt in that moment.  Tears streamed down my face as I had waited for this experience for a long time.  I had tried to imagine what this moment would be like.  I was filled with sheer joy knowing a teeny tiny miracle was growing inside of me…. Followed by the sheer fear that a teeny tiny miracle was growing inside of me!  Holy cow.

I will not go into all the detail in writing because it’s all in the videos posted.  But I had not planned on Caleb being with me when we found out.  I had initially wanted our pregnancy to be a surprise to him.  But it was actually very sweet that he was there.  In classic Caleb style, he remained calm.  He remained calm because the reality of a baby growing inside of me that very minute had not at all sunk in for him.

I grew up in a family where we videotaped just about everything.   You name a life event and we probably videotaped it.  Naturally, having things videotaped are quite important to me.  Being able to look back on that video after 10+ years brings such joy to my heart.  This milestone had to be taped!  

Moments after seeing the 2 lines, I said “Get the camera!  Get the camera!”  Caleb grabbed the video camera so we could get as much of this experience on camera as we possibly could.  The following video opens a window into the first 2 minutes of us finding out we are going to be parents. 

This second video is where I go into more detail of what had happened the week prior leading up to the positive test.

Our first ultrasound is this Monday, October 22.  This is the appointment we will hear our son, or daughter’s heartbeat for the very first time.  I tear up just thinking about it.  I am blown away by the miracle of a child.  I often look up websites to see what’s happening to nugget this week (that is what we’ve nicknamed the kiddo).  He/she is so incredibly small right now but the development that is happening is unbelievable!  An absolute miracle. 

I feel overwhelmed with this gift.  I have thanked God so many times that he has chosen me to be a vessel to grow this gift and that He is crafting him/her and forming him/her right this very moment.  What a beautiful picture.

While my heart is filled with joy for our little miracle, my heart also remains heavy for those who have not been able to conceive.  The joyful side of me wants to shout it from the rooftops.  But the sensitive side wants to be  respectful and grieve with those whose hearts yearn for a child but have not yet experienced the miracle for themselves.  My heart does ache for you.  May the Lord hear your cries and as 1 Samuel says, “grant your petition.”

I will be honest.  The dreaded “M” word does creep into my mind.  I have known so many people who experience the “M” word with their first pregnancy and I think that fear is natural.  There are people who will advise not to share the news of your pregnancy until the 2^nd trimester just so the chances increase of delivering a full-term baby.  I see the value in that.  Why cause yourself the heartache of sharing happy news, only to have to share bad news later.  However, I once heard someone say something to the effect of, complications could happen at any time in a pregnancy.  But right now, I AM pregnant.  And I am joyful NOW and I want to share that joy!  I am not going to live in fear of what could happen.  Right now, there is a living and growing child within me.  And I want to celebrate that.

I have clung to two verses over the past month and have read them over and over again.  They are penned beautifully and they mean more now than they ever have before.
1 Samuel 1:27-28
For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.  Therefore, I have lent him to the Lord.  As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

I am 9 weeks, almost 10 (on Monday).  The first trimester is week 1-12.  It’s crazy that I am almost entering my 2^nd trimester already!  I guess it’s easy for the first trimester to fly by when you don’t even know you’re pregnant for the first few weeks.

Anyway, that is our story.  Thanks be to God alone.  All praise and glory given to God alone.  This is His child.  I am honored that He has chosen Caleb and I to be this child’s earthly parents.  This is truly a gift.  This is truly a miracle.  We are thrilled and absolutely ecstatic to be able to meet our little nugget this May.

May the journey continue.