I'm a bit of a skeptic. I'm all for change but before I can jump on board, you had better show me all the ins and outs of how that change is going to work and how it will benefit those involved. And even then, it will take a bit of time before I'm "all in." It's just how I operate.
I don't know if any of you struggle with this but I am skeptical about being completely honest with people and not just people, friends even, all because I worry that I will be judged. It's quite sad though... to worry about being honest about the things that plagued you. Can we trust each other to just... be there? And just... listen with pure hearts?
Even with Christian women, I could pour my heart out about the things that are my Mt. Everest's, and even though part of them truly wants to care and pray for you, the other half is still a sinner and judges. Disclaimer: This is not a blanket statement.
How can we trust the people we call friends to listen, really listen with a pure heart, hear you when you cry over admitting Satan's lies that attack you daily, and truly feel empathy, without an ounce of judgement or resentment?
How? This is really unsettling to me. It's unsettling to go through life, walking alongside one another, but fearing vulnerability because we don't want to be silently judged.
Do we not realize that we are all going through very similar situations? Will the situations be identical in detail? No but they are similar in nature. Self-esteem, relationships, spiritual battles, etc. You know them... we all experience these things and more.
I'm completely aware that this next part is a run-on sentence but they are my thoughts and my thoughts are continuous run-on sentences :)
Challenge for myself and all who are reading:
How about the next time your friend seeks you out to share a secret that has weighed on her, something that has been haunting her for awhile, something that she has struggled with and needs to vent, and better yet, needs prayer of a faithful and pure hearted friend, how about when you hear her share her struggles, instead of thinking, "She's upset about that? Seriously?! Doesn't she realize I along with 50,000 other women have it way worse?!", why don't we put away the pity party, put away the resentment and judgement, and realize this women is sharing with you because she trusts you and needs your friendship, love and care. And that thing she just shared that you judged her for, it is a huge weight on her, beating her down everyday.
And guess what, there will come a time when it's your turn to share with a friend your deep dark struggles and you will seek that same true friendship, love and care from them. None of us want to be judged for simply being honest about what we're struggling with in life, especially by those that are friends. Friends are supposed to be a safe haven. I ask myself this question: Have I been a good friend lately? One that my friends know they can trust 100% to just love them, in the good, bad and the ugly, and never for one second resenting them in their struggles or silently judging them as they trust me to empathize with them.
Seems twisted doesn't it? Silently judging while I am being trusted to truly empathize.
I don't want to be a twisted friend. Twisted and friend do not really go together anyway. I want to be a true friend.
I'm not judging you ( i felt I needed to tell you that after reading what you said, haha), but I read this and thought...does she have any good friends?! Perhaps I am fortunate that I have three close friends that I have been able to share some of my deepest darkest secrets and insecurities. I pray that you can be a friend and also find a friend like this in return...Also, when you tell me things, I do not judge you, just so you know :-) Never be surprised by anyone's sins. We are capable of the same thing...one of the best pieces of advice I have received.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, straight shooter Rebekah :)
ReplyDelete1) Thanks for not judging ;)
2) Yes, I have very good friends.
3) It's a challenge to be intentional about growing those relationships enough to where you can share the deep issues. It takes time to grow a friendship and in my opinion, it's not to anyone's benefit to blurt out all your insecurities to someone you just met because naturally, they don't know the ins and outs of who you are. So time is a key factor; it takes time and it takes being intentional to make sure that time is a priority.
4) Nope, never surprised by sins. Completely understand and agree we're all capable of the same sins.
Thanks for your thoughts - love you!