Fearing vulnerability

I'm a bit of a skeptic.  I'm all for change but before I can jump on board, you had better show me all the ins and outs of how that change is going to work and how it will benefit those involved.  And even then, it will take a bit of time before I'm "all in."  It's just how I operate.


I don't know if any of you struggle with this but I am skeptical about being completely honest with people and not just people, friends even, all because I worry that I will be judged.  It's quite sad though... to worry about being honest about the things that plagued you.  Can we trust each other to just... be there?  And just... listen with pure hearts?


Even with Christian women, I could pour my heart out about the things that are my Mt. Everest's, and even though part of them truly wants to care and pray for you, the other half is still a sinner and judges.  Disclaimer: This is not a blanket statement.
How can we trust the people we call friends to listen, really listen with a pure heart, hear you when you cry over admitting Satan's lies that attack you daily, and truly feel empathy, without an ounce of judgement or resentment?
How?  This is really unsettling to me.  It's unsettling to go through life, walking alongside one another, but fearing vulnerability because we don't want to be silently judged.


Do we not realize that we are all going through very similar situations?  Will the situations be identical in detail?  No but they are similar in nature.  Self-esteem, relationships, spiritual battles, etc.  You know them... we all experience these things and more.


I'm completely aware that this next part is a run-on sentence but they are my thoughts and my thoughts are continuous run-on sentences :)
Challenge for myself and all who are reading:
How about the next time your friend seeks you out to share a secret that has weighed on her, something that has been haunting her for awhile, something that she has struggled with and needs to vent, and better yet, needs prayer of a faithful and pure hearted friend, how about when you hear her share her struggles, instead of thinking, "She's upset about that?  Seriously?!  Doesn't she realize I along with 50,000 other women have it way worse?!", why don't we put away the pity party, put away the resentment and judgement, and realize this women is sharing with you because she trusts you and needs your friendship, love and care.  And that thing she just shared that you judged her for, it is a huge weight on her, beating her down everyday.

And guess what, there will come a time when it's your turn to share with a friend your deep dark struggles and you will seek that same true friendship, love and care from them.  None of us want to be judged for simply being honest about what we're struggling with in life, especially by those that are friends.  Friends are supposed to be a safe haven.  I ask myself this question: Have I been a good friend lately?  One that my friends know they can trust 100% to just love them, in the good, bad and the ugly, and never for one second resenting them in their struggles or silently judging them as they trust me to empathize with them.
Seems twisted doesn't it?  Silently judging while I am being trusted to truly empathize.
I don't want to be a twisted friend.  Twisted and friend do not really go together anyway.  I want to be a true friend. 

All things fall

Ahhh fall.  It is one of my favorite times of year.  There are so many wonderful sights and smells that make fall magical.


- Crisp, refreshing fall breeze
- Leaves turning earthy colors of reds, oranges, and browns
- The crunch of the fallen leaves under your feet
- Pumpkin spice lattes
- Farmers' Market candle *Which is burning away as I write and man oh man, our living room smells wondrous right now!
- My birthday! *Year 26.... gulp
- Apple picking
- Pumpkin bread
- Football games
- Hot chocolate at football games
- Wrapped up in a blanket at football games
- Marching bands at football games
- Carving pumpkins
- Appropriate weather to wear all my hats
- Daylight savings time - I'll take that extra hour!


Ahhhh fall.  Beautiful. Calming. Refreshing.  Take some time this fall to stop and enjoy the beauty the Lord has given us through the season of fall.