Selah's Birth Story part 1

I can honestly say that I enjoyed my pregnancy.  Even through the nausea, heartburn, frequent urinations, restless nights, night sweats, sciatic nerve pinchings, instant cravings, exhaustion, so on and so forth, I enjoyed carrying my sweet baby girl for 9 months.  

As I neared the end of my pregnancy, I anxiously awaited the birth of our daughter.  I was so excited I could barely stand it…. I just wanted to meet her!  I couldn’t wait to meet the sweet precious baby girl that had been kicking inside of me for so many months.  I couldn’t wait to meet my daughter whose hiccups I felt so many nights.   I couldn’t wait to meet my child who had been growing and developing inside of me for all these months.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I woke up at 4:30am with some Braxton Hicks contractions.  No biggie.  I had been having them throughout my pregnancy and according to standard textbook, they would increase near the end.  For a solid hour I laid in bed feeling the contractions; it was the most consistent they had been.  But they were mild and only lasted that one hour.  My alarm went off to get up for work and from there on, the contractions subsided for the rest of the day. 

I began my usual hour and 15 minute commute to work.  I began my first day of training my replacement.  I attended our usual Tuesday staff meetings.  3:30pm came, I turned off my computer as normal, said my goodbyes for the day, and headed home.

Tuesday evenings are Caleb’s early night meaning he gets off work at 4 and from 5pm on, we have the evening together.  We were eligible for an upgrade on our iPhones so we decided this would be the perfect evening for us to venture out to AT&T to upgrade our “cavemen iPhone 3” phones to the iPhone 4.  Whoo hoo!!

First, we grabbed some dinner ….  We grilled hot dogs.  I l.o.v.e. grilled hotdogs and have stayed away from them my entire pregnancy since they are a pregnancy food no-no.  But I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and they just sounded so darn good.  I caved.  It was delicious.

We then headed out to AT&T.  The syncing of phones took longer than expected so we were sitting there for quite a while making awkward small talk with the AT&T sales guy.  Andrew plays basketball.  Andrew is Mexican.  Did you know there is only one Mexican player in the NBA?  Yea… I didn’t know that either.   Yea… like I said… the awkward small talk as we all realized the syncing of phones was taking way longer than it should.

After sitting there a while, I started feeling an odd pressure I hadn’t felt before.   It was quite uncomfy.  I kept trying to sit up straight to give baby girl more room and in hopes to ease the pressure I was feeling…. although it didn’t really work.  As custom in the end of a pregnancy, nature called… for what seemed like the 100^th time that day.  I excused myself to use the restroom.  I came back and decided to stand in hopes it would alleviate more of the pressure I had been feeling.  

Caleb and I were chatting while Andrew left to work on Caleb’s phone.  When all of a sudden…. a gush of fluid left my body and began trickling all over the blue carpet of the AT&T store.  My eyes were as big as dinner plates as I stared at Caleb and said “My water is breaking……  my water is breaking!”  His eyes also grew to the size of dinner plates as he stared back at me, clearly in disbelief.   Ok…. What to do… what to do?!  Panic, shock and excitement quickly set in.  I awkwardly shuffled to the bathroom to attempt to clean myself up.  Drat!  Of course someone would be in the restroom.  Ah-ha!  The men’s room!  Praise the Lord it was open.

Caleb hurried over to Andrew and said in a calm yet confused tone… “So… I think my wife’s water just broke...?!”  I’m willing to bet this had never happened in this particular AT&T store.

I called Caleb into the bathroom where we frantically shuffled through 4 phones to begin calling our parents.  Yes… we had 4 phones.  2 old and 2 new and none were “ready to go.”  My parents had a 3.5 hour drive ahead of them so we knew we had to call them first.  As Caleb called my dad, I attempted to clean myself up.  Yea right!  Some women’s water breaking is a trickle.  Mine was a gush.  And a gush that kept on gushing.....  the gift that kept on giving.... my cup runneth over!  
Don’t worry, I tried my best to clean up the floor before we made a mad rush for the exit.

We emerged from the bathroom and all the AT&T employees were huddle together staring at us as a few people squeaked out “Congratulations.”  Boy did we give them an exciting story to share when they went home!

It felt like the beginning of our daughter’s birth was right out of a movie.  To continue the movie-like story, we were about 2 minutes away from the hospital.  However, we had taken the wrong car.  We had to drive all the way back to the house to get my car which had the car seat in it.  We also had to grab our bags.  In my preparedness, I even had a garbage bag and a towel in my car just in case my water broke.  Too bad, we had Caleb’s car…..  still need to clean the passenger seat.

We rushed home feeling extreme excitement!  We were even laughing about it because we were juggling 4 phones as we read off phone numbers to each other since none of the phones had been properly synced.  It was quite the ridiculous moment but a funny one.

In all this madness, so many thoughts went through my mind.
“This isn’t false labor… this baby is coming and she is coming tonight!”
“No more waiting… this is it!”
“Oh no… work!  I only had 1 day training my replacement!”
“Oh… today was my last day of work at Trinity… no closure.”

But I can’t worry about that now.  I have a baby to deliver!   

Let’s do this.

You know you're pregnant when... Part 3

My pregnancy is coming to a close.  Very soon actually.  And it's bittersweet.  We are absolutely floored to meet our baby girl!  The excitement is growing more and more each day although I'm not sure how that is possible.  It's so fun for me to see Caleb's excitement.  Even he is nesting!  It's so cute :-)

While we are brimming over with excitement to meet her, there is a part of me that will miss being pregnant.  I have waited for years for this time.  I was/am so excited to be able to experience the feeling of another life growing within me.  I am overjoyed that the Lord allowed me to be able to experience the phenomenon and miracle that is pregnancy.

It's a unique time... that's for sure.  While pregnancy comes with many wonderful experiences, there are some other experiences that are... well... down right uncomfortable.  Each trimester has brought on new surprises and the 3rd trimester has been no exception.

1) I thought I had to go to the bathroom a lot in the 2nd trimester... HA!  I can easily go 6+ times from the time I go to sleep to the time I get up in the morning.  Remember... that is a span of 7 hours where I'm not even drinking anything during that time!  Maybe I should look into just wearing a diaper to bed to avoid having to get up....?  No?  Ok fine.

2) A good night's sleep becomes a distant memory.  I guess it's good practice huh?

3) Heartburn.  Owie :-(   Tums have been a lifesaver!

4) Pinching of the sciatic nerve.  Bigger owie! :-(

5) Fat ankles... ohhh the swelling.  My shoes don't fit well anymore!  On the flipside, I get to wear flip flops to work while I sit at my desk.  

6) Nesting.  The fun part!  Anxious, excitement and energy to clean and get things ready for the new bundle.

7) I feel practically worthless when it comes to doing any manual labor.  I can barely lift anything!  1) My belly is way bigger and just "in the way".  2) I've lost all abdominal muscle control.  3) My balance is way off.

8) Reality of labor sets in.... again.  Panic.  Terror. 

9) Experiencing people's reactions to my pregnant belly.  It's very interesting to watch people's reactions.  They look at my belly.  They try to make eye contact.  They give me a smile.  A smile that says "Awww... babies!" 

10) People I've never spoken to say the same thing almost every time... "When are you due?"  I tell them.  "Really?!  You're so small!"  Perhaps you mean this is a compliment... but what I'm hearing is "You're baby's not the right size!"  Ok ok... perhaps I'm being over sensitive.

11) Her movements are outta this world.  Seriously.  It's alien like.  To actually be able to see something stick out of your stomach and then move across your belly, is a weird sight.  Weird!  But so cool.

I'm not complaining.  Really.  I hope it doesn't come across that way.  I have loved being pregnant and will truly miss it.  But this is a season and this season is coming to a close very soon.  If I've learned anything during this pregnancy, it's been a true test of faith and trust in the Lord that He will keep our daughter healthy and deliver her safely to us.  It's been a struggle these 9 months.  But the Lord has been faithful and in my times of fear, He has answered prayer and continued to keep her safe.

We can't wait to meet you baby girl!

The events have begun!

The month of April is going to be quite the whirlwind.  1 bridal shower, 3 baby showers and a wedding.  In a matter of 4 weeks?!  Yowza!

My future sister-in-law, Stefanie, is kicking off the whirlwind of events with her bridal shower hosted by yours truly and mommy dearest.  

Such a fun theme!  Hot pink, sparkly, zebra print here and there :-)

I found an idea of Pinterest for a brunch yogurt bar.  It turned out so nicely!  I highly recommend this for a bridal or baby shower.  Considering food for a shower can be quite costly, the cost of the yogurt bar was quite do-able for a party of 12 people.  

I also found the idea for the 'Future Mrs' banner on Pinterest as well.  Really easy to make and fun too!

Next on the April calendar is a baby shower with my co-workers.  I can't wait!  I love these people dearly; I joke that I spend more time with them them my dear husband (out of the nature of a work day of course). More pics to come I am sure :-)

Week 30.

The birth of our daughter is just around the bend.  I've entered my 3rd trimester.  This is it! ... the last leg of the race which I intend to finish well.  

I'm starting to get antsy.  I shouldn't be antsy yet because we still have a ton left to do before she's here.  We're scrambling to finish some house projects so we can get her room cleared out to start assembling her crib.  I can't wait to start putting her room together!  Since certain things are prohibiting that right now, the other thing I think I'll start doing is compiling a list of items to eventually pack to take with me to the hospital.

I've found some handy blogs through Pinterest of experienced moms who have suggestions of the "must-haves" they take with them to the hospital.  Now that I have control over so maybe I'll start with that!

Week: 30 (7.5 months prego)

Due Date:  May 27 - Memorial Day!

Size: Baby girl is about 15.7 inches long and the weight of a large cabbage.  

Nausea:  Gone! 

Aches and Pains:  Lower back feels like it could use a good pop, occasional cramps in the calf, ligaments stretching and Braxton Hicks contractions.

Cravings: 

- Chinese

- Frozen yogurt

- Char-broiled hamburgers

Bump: No hiding baby girl now!  I l.o.v.e. my baby bump.

Movement: Tons.  Small kicks.  Huge kicks.  Squirms.  Shifting from side to side.  Sometimes sudden, jerky movements.  She moves all throughout the day now, especially as soon as I lay down to go to sleep.  I love that Caleb can feel her and see her move too.  He has been putting music up to my belly and she responds to the tunes.  She's loving Norah Jones :-)  I mean, come on, who doesn't?

Missing the most: Some days I just want an iced coffee.  And most nights, I just want to sleep through the night without having to get up 2-3 times to go potty.

Looking forward to: Meeting our daughter in about 10 more weeks (Lord willing!)

29 weeks pregnant

Hello my name is...

Have you ever made a decision in your life that you knew was the wrong one?
Have you ever knowingly gone down the wide path of sin instead of the narrow path of righteousness?
Do you still feel guilty?
Do you feel ashamed?  Defeated?  Unworthy?  What about unforgivable?

I have.  And I admit... from time to time, I still struggle with those feelings about poor decisions I have made in my life.

I was listening to the radio and they were interviewing Matthew West.  Matthew West is a solid Christian artist who loves the Lord and longs to share the gospel with hurting and broken people (so all of us!).

He opened the floor for people to send their stories to him which he would use to inspire the songs in his new album.  He received over 25,000 letters.  25,000!!!  
Letters of peoples' stories that included the good, the bad and downright ugly. But they always ended beautifully.  Redemption.  Mercy.  Forgiveness.

There was one story in particular that he shared and when they played the song, every single word in that song penetrated my heart.  I felt like Matthew West had written that song for me.  It was all the words I had felt all these years but couldn't put into words.

Hello my name is...

Hello, my name is regret 

I’m pretty sure we have met 

Every single day of your life 

I’m the whisper inside 

That won’t let you forget 

Hello, my name is defeat 

I know you recognize me 

Just when you think you can win 

I’ll drag you right back down again 

‘Til you’ve lost all belief 

These are the voices, these are the lies 

And I have believed them, for the very last time 

Hello, my name is child of the one true King 

I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free 

“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing 

Hello, my name is child of the one true King 

I am no longer defined 

By all the wreckage behind 

The one who makes all things new 

Has proven it’s true 

Just take a look at my life 

What love the Father has lavished upon us 

That we should be called His children 

I am a child of the one true King

Perhaps you have battled these lies from Satan for way too long.  If these lyrics resonate with you, have a listen to the song today.  "I am no longer defined by all the wreckage behind....Hello my name is child of the one true King."

You know you're pregnant when... Part 2

I wrote a blog post back in my first trimester about some of the changes I noticed that were very much pregnancy related.  The cravings, the emotions, etc.

The second trimester has brought on a whole new list of changes.  Allow me to share.

You know you're pregnant when...

1. You use the restroom ...... a lot.  I can't even keep track of how many times I need to go pee pee in a 24 hour span.  Thanks to my birthing class, I learned that as baby grows bigger and bigger still, your bladder which was once a nice round ball shape, has flattened like a pancake. It also hits quickly and I have found myself practically running for the restroom, praying no one stops me on the way to chat.  Sorry, I don't mean to be rude but I'm about to wet myself!

2. You lose most of your abdominal muscles.  Simple "tasks" like rolling over in bed is now a HUGE mountain to climb.  Ok... 1, 2, 3, heave!

3. You feel starving.  Pile your plate high. Eat a few bites and feel utterly stuffed.  Thanks again to my birthing class, I have learned why I feel this way.  As baby grows, taking up all the room (what a space hog :-), your stomach literally gets squished into an even tinier ball, not leaving much room for food.

Are you learning a lot?

4. You plan to spend the day out and about.  Shopping sprees?  Forget about it.  2 hours of walking around and I'm down for the count.

5. You lose your feminine grace and delicacy.  According to the birthing class, with a new person growing inside of you, your body becomes quite disproportionate.  In other words you're front heavy.  Very front heavy.  Not sure how this relates to the added clumsiness but either way, I have knocked over more things in the past 6 months than ever before.  And I'll admit.  Last night, I ran into the door frame.  Just ask Caleb.  He witnessed it.

6. Your sweatpants are getting tight.  Your SWEATPANTS!!  *D'oh!

7. You start registering for baby gifts but feel a weird mixture of excitement as you swim through a sea of cuteness but that is quickly followed by an angry disbelief at the outrageous cost of it all!  How dare they mark up prices on things we essentially need.  Ok, you're right, most of what's out there we don't NEED.  But it sure seems to make mommy's life easier.

8. You are paralyzed with fear when it's been over 2 hours and you haven't felt your baby move.  Good grief.  She does need to sleep too.

There you have it.  Some more changes I've experienced in the past few months.  I wonder what else I'll experience in my 3rd trimester!?  I'll keep you posted :-)

My body's going to do WHAT?!

Goodness.  This very day I am 26 weeks pregnant.  In other words, I am 6 1/2 months pregnant with our baby girl.  Just the other day Michael asked me "Are you 6 months yet?"  I said, "I don't know.... we always talk in weeks, I think I'm nearing the end of 5 months."  Then, I looked it up online and it said I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant.  Holy cow!  That puts our timeline is a very different perspective.

26 weeks still has a "half-way mark" ring to it.  But 6 1/2 months is now screaming at me "She's coming and she's coming soon!  Why is her room not even close to being done yet?"

There are still quite a few house projects we are attempting to finish by the time she arrives.  I will post more on house updates as the finished products are more in sight so you can see better before and after shots.  The projects we're working on and hope to finish before she arrives are:

- Painting new doors for the entire upstairs level

- Carving out hinges on all these new doors

- Painting door casings (trim)

- Painting floor trim 

- DIY project - baby's dresser (we'll see how this turns out)

- Extending walls to make closet door openings followed by painting over mudding

- Painting new closet doors

- Making kitchen nook into a pantry

- Any probably some more things mixed in there.

By the way, all of this is taking so long because painting is not just a one step process. No no, it is sanding, wipe down, priming, sanding, wipe down, coat 1, sanding, wipe down, coat 2.  Yea, it takes a long time.

My parents have been absolute rock stars and have come up twice to help with projects.  Since my dad is the superman of construction and painting, he has helped Caleb get quite a bit done in a matter of 1 day or so.  Ok, more on house projects later when I can post pics.

We went to our first birthing class last night.  I'm glad we're going because right now labor is freaking me out.  And it's the unknown of labor that is the most nerve wracking part.  It's no secret that a woman's body goes through an intense amount of change during pregnancy and even more so in the hours of labor and delivery.

We focused on the stages of labor last night with some quick videos.  It is quite amazing at the natural way your body is built to deliver a baby.  

I learned that if a woman was in labor while in a coma, her body would give birth on its own, without her even pushing.  It would take a LONG time but the body will get that baby out even if you're not physically present to push.

As far as the video goes, let's just say we haven't even gotten to the "real" labor video yet (that is next week).  And let's just continue to say that I felt my body clenching and tightening as I watched this woman push out her baby, while clearly in the worst pain she had ever felt in her life.

I looked at Caleb.  He looked at me.  And we both knew exactly what the other was thinking.  "Holy crap.  My body's going to.... do that?!?!"  In that moment, I thought "This little girl is just going to have to stay in me.  Forever."

But the good news is every video I have watched which amounts to hours of sheer pain and misery results in the happiest mother in the world, with the memory of all that pain and tiring work becoming a distant memory.  Or so it seems anyway.  Well.  I'll soon be finding out.  And in the meantime, these birthing classes are meant to help prepare me better.  

The other thing that helps calm me is knowing Caleb will be a fantastic support.  I'm not worried about him at all.  And I know I wouldn't be able to do this without him.  I feel blessed already to have him there, ready to be by my side, walking me through every contraction until our little girl is finally here.

19 weeks

20 weeks

22 weeks

25 weeks

Baby girl

We are over the moon.  We are overjoyed.  We are thrilled.  We are admittedly a bit scared.  We are having a girl.  Nugget has become baby girl..... she.... her.... our daughter.

I love being able to say she, her, daughter.  There's a new level of bonding I'm experiencing from simply knowing "it" is now "she".  Plus, the fact that she's moving and kicking quite frequently only helps with the feelings of her being even more real now.

It may sound odd to hear that.  But when you're not showing all that much and you aren't feeling any movement, you know you're pregnant but it's different.  You know there's a baby in there but there isn't much evidence yet.  But now that she is moving all the time, her "realness" has become even more tangible, if that's possible.

Caleb and I wanted to find out the gender for two reasons:
1) To be more prepared with physical items
2) Mainly to pray specifically for him/her.  We want to really dive into prayer about our child and praying for a boy is different than praying for a girl.

We went in for our appointment last week really anxious.  I laid down on the super uncomfortable table, she squirted the cold slimy gel on me, asked "Are we finding out today?", we responded with "Yes!", and within about 5 seconds, the technician said "It's a girl!"

I was shocked she found it so quickly and was even more shocked that we had just found out!  It was kind of like being socked in the stomach with the news.  But in the most wonderful and loving way possible.

Caleb and I were really surprised but again, in a great way.  I had assumed for most of my pregnancy we'd be having a boy.  And then a couple weeks before the ultrasound I started thinking.... maaaaaybe.... it cooooould be a girl.  Hmm.

The rest of the appointment went well.  Baby girl was sitting breech during the appointment (which 30-40% of babies at 21 weeks sit breech, in case you were dying to know).  Because of her position, her little feet and hands were completely covering her face so she was unable to get a 3D shot of her face which was quite disappointing.  But we got a really cute shot of her little foot and her cute little toesies.  The technician found her little nose and lips and it was literally like we were looking at a photo of her, it was that clear!  But we didn't get a print out of that :-(

My sister-in-law, Sarah, just recently had her first, also a girl!  She wrote in her blog about their experience finding out the gender of their baby the moment she was born.  I found it fascinating at her thoughts about how in the moment they met their daughter, overjoyed obviously, there was also a moment where they had to say goodbye to the son they had been equally prepared to meet but never existed.  I had never thought of it like that and interestingly enough, I feel that loss as well, and I'm only half way done.
We have had a name picked out for a boy for years now.  We were dead set on a boy's name and in the months leading up to the special appointment, we wondered if "blank" was growing inside of me.  We didn't have a clue on a girl's name until just recently.  So interestingly enough, there is a weird sense of loss for the "other" child that actually never even existed but you prepare yourself for in a sense.  I mean there's a 50/50 chance for either!  The technician was positive that she's a she.  Let's hope she's not mistaken, otherwise we'll have A LOT of things to return.

I promise... there IS a baby in there!

"You don't look pregnant at all!"  I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this over the past 10 weeks.  Trust me folks.  There is a baby bump present, even if most of my clothes don't highlight it.  Unfortunately, I can't walk around naked or wear my form-fitting Bears t-shirt all the time in order to show the world my baby bump.  I know it's there and... I can FEEL it's there!  Yes, that is right!  Late Christmas Eve night, our little nugget decided it was high time to make his/her presence known.  It wasn't a questionable flutter.  It wasn't possible digestion.  It was very obvious kicks.  And it. was. awesome!

Caleb was even able to feel it!  As the week went on, I felt the little bugger kick and kick and kick!  And right in the same spot too.  This is what makes it feel even more real.  Now that I can feel it, it's even more surreal that there is a living, growing, human being inside of me.  What part of that sentence doesn't scream, "Whoa, weird!"?  What's crazier is when I saw my stomach protrude with each little kick.  So neat.

Week: 19

Due Date:  May 27 - Memorial Day!

Size: Nugget is 6 inches long and the size of an heirloom tomato.  

Nausea:  It has disappeared!  Thank you 2nd trimester.

Aches and Pains:  Occasional leg cramps, pinches in my growing uterus, stomach muscle aches? From what I assume is because of a stretching stomach.

Cravings: 

- Chinese

- Still cold milk

Bump: Growing slowly but surely each and every week!

Movement: The first time I felt movement was Christmas Eve. He/she likes to kick late at night!  He/she responds to daddy's voice and mama's Grammy award nominated rendition of Jesus Loves Me.  

Looking forward to: Finding out if nugget is a boy or girl!  January 14 is the big day!  About 1.5 weeks away!  That is our birthday gift to my dad ;-)  

I'm also looking forward to begin registering and going to some birthing classes.  Those will both be coming up soon.

Missing the most: Still not sleeping well.  I also miss my normal sense of smell.  Having the nose of a blood hound is not so helpful most of the time.

You might be pregnant if...

There are tons of things happening to a woman's body when she becomes pregnant.  It's quite unbelievable really.  Not only is our little nugget changing week-by-week.  But this mama-to-be is experiencing changes too.  Some fun, some weird, some that are just a pain in the behind.

After only 16 weeks of pregnancy thus far, here is a small list of things I've experienced.  Trust me... there are WAY more but I'll keep it PG.

You might be pregnant if:

1) You cry at the Dixie Stampede.
2) You cry at Hallmark movies rather than making fun of them.
3) You cry at every Hallmark commercial that plays during the Hallmark movie.
4) While in conversation, you go to make your conversation contribution when all of a sudden....wait... what on earth was I going to say?!  The words seem to have fallen out of my brain.
5) You walk to the next room to get.... something... wait... what was I going to get?
6) You see an instagram photo of Sour Patch Kids and immediately the world must stop and those Sour Patch Kids must be purchased and inhaled within the next 5 minutes or someone is going to get hurt.
7) You have inch thick indentations in your skin from your.. *ahem*.. brassieres becoming way too tight.  And it's already on its last hook!
8) You wear wrap dresses and maxi skirts to work because your pants don't fit and you haven't been able to find maternity pants that fit well, look nice, and don't cost $80.
9) You start to feel a small hunger pang but think you can wait the 20 minute drive to get home before you eat a bite.  And then 5 minutes later nausea hits you like a sack of potatoes.  What was I thinking?!  In those cases, eat!  Always eat.
10) You practically kill your husband with the poisonous, gaseous smells coming from your body.
and for now, the last one of the day
11) You think often of your next appointment, waiting ever-so-anxiously to hear that most beautiful sound you have ever heard: your baby's heartbeat.