Ashley's Facbook account
2005-2012
Facebook was being checked more than 10 times a day out of pure habit. Facebook had evoked emotion and a side of me I didn't care for. Facebook had become an idol and a source of feeding my inner jealousy and pride.
My decision to delete my Facebook account is not temporary. It is permanent. And I feel great about that decision. This decision was made because of personal convictions. Allow me to expound. This is not to make you feel guilty. This is me spilling my ugly sin. If I happen to encourage someone to examine their own heart, then praise God!
Allow me to be candid, this is not to offend; this is my perspective and my story.
I believe, the world we live in craves the need for affirmation and self-worth. But most of the time, we are feeding that need through all the wrong sources. That is what Facebook became for me.
Whether it's done subconsciously or purposely, why do you think people post pictures, statuses, updates? Perhaps a part of it is to keep the family and close friends updated. But I believe it's deeper rooted.
Again, whether it's done subconsciously or with purpose, I believe people desire to have others want what they have.
Why? It makes you feel so good when people comment on your beautiful wedding, on the amazing and expensive vacation, on your new house, etc.
People crave affirmation. May I go so far as to say, there's maybe even a little satisfaction in knowing you make others a little jealous because of what you have. (The comments that flood your Facebook page are a good indicator of that).
I found myself becoming jealous as I consciously scrolled through hundreds of photos. "Man... that's what I want. If only I had what they have, I'd be happier." And then to make it worse, the flip side... I did find satisfaction in reading everyone's comments praising whatever "thing" I had posted. I wanted them to be a little jealous of what I had because that told me that something I had in my life, was coveted by another.
Affirmation in all the wrong places - check
Pride - check
Jealousy - check
WHOA! Not ok!! I am not ok with that, not even a little, tiny bit! It hit me like a ton of bricks one day. I have checked Facebook almost every day from 2005-2012. 7 years of my life I have devoted to Facebook. What has it given me in return? A bouquet of roses. Beautiful, bright, fun, but filled with thorns ... and they die quickly.
Sin. It brought upon sin that needed to be squelched. And step #1 to squelching that sin was cutting it off at the source, hence, the decision to delete my Facebook account.
So... that was a lot of junk I just spilled to you. Am I embarrassed? No. Because I would be shocked if I was the only who felt this way. Am I ashamed? I'm ashamed I let something like Facebook be the source of feeding these growing sins, and for so long! BUT, not ashamed enough not to say anything.
My affirmation and self-worth comes from the Lord. And that's why I chose to delete it... to focus on who I am in the Lord and to grow in Him. If I didn't cut Facebook loose, the anchor tied to my feet would eventually hit rock bottom. I was headed there. But I cut the anchor loose and kicked with all my migh to the surface. I'm at the surface now. But the next step is swimming to shore. It will be tiring and hard. But as I pass through each wave of jealousy, each wave of pride, and with each wave of seeking my self-worth in the Lord, I'll make it one wave closer to shore where I can rest in the arms of Jesus. What a glorious time that will be.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's ok to be affirmed and to desire affirmation, afterall, it's a love language! There is nothing wrong with needing to hear affirmation that you're doing things well, or to appreciate it when people notice how nice you look when it took you a long time to get ready. That's great! It just became a problem for me when the craving became sin.
So... I guess to keep in line with the premise of this entire post, if you would, only post comments on my blog if you agree, disagree, if the Lord lays something on your heart, or if it has spoken to you. I DO want to know if I'm striking a chord with anyone. I'm asking as a sinner who is trying to climb her way out of the pride and jealousy pit, please don't stroke my ego further.
P.S.
Don't be surprised if you stumble upon my other Facebook page... you'll probably be tempted to think I'm a hypocrite or liar... but please know, it's for work purposes only as it's important I have a Facebook page to connect with my students on their level. So if you friend request me on my work page, don't be offended when I don't accept it.
