Phileo

I did it... I went for it.  I went to a scrapbook store, carefully selected some starter pieces, came home, spread out my goodies and began fashioning my own home-made cards.

Now, Caleb and I have an idea.  But for now... I'll just practice making cards for the pure joy of it.  I quickly learned in the first 10 seconds, I need to invest in a paper cutter.  My own unsteady hand just won't cut it - hahahaha no pun intended.  And yes, I just cracked myself up with my unintended pun.

Here are a few I toyed with over the weekend.  Forgive me, lighting is not the greatest in our apartment. 

Hi friend

Wedding!

Pick-me-up

'Brotherly love' in Greek.  There is a reason for this but that reason is a vision for the future :)

Seeing with 'grace glasses'

Ohhh grace.  Lavished upon us by Jesus Christ.  Withheld by our own hearts that only see failure.  Failure in ourselves...failure in others.  Maybe this isn't a struggle you face but it's a struggle of mine.  I chose the word 'grace' as my 2011 word and I'm happy to say I have made conscious choices since then to give myself grace when I otherwise would beat myself up for failing yet again.  This is kind of lengthy but if you want to see how God speaks then please continue, because it's pretty neat.


I recently began volunteering at Caris - a pregnancy center that offers counseling and other resources.  Forgive me, but in my opinion, I think the phrase "I felt called to..." is overused and perhaps it's said out of habit or people are not sure what else to say but I don't think the Lord 'calls' us to do everything that we choose to do.  We make our own choices and a lot of the time, the Lord probably wasn't calling us, it's just a choice we made.  But I can tell you with 110% confidence, I felt called to volunteer at a pregnancy center.  


"Now Ash," you say, "how could you know this?"  Well my friends, during my early college years, I felt a very real and tangible tug when a woman came to my home church 2 times over the span of 1 year and spoke on the Crisis Pregnancy Center.  I felt something within me stir and say 'You need to volunteer your time here.'  I have always been passionate about pro-life but when I felt that tug I became scared and chose to ignore it.


Fast forward another 2 years.  I was at Trinity and would come home for a visit every now and then.  The weekend I chose to come home, low and behold, there is another spokesperson for the Crisis Pregnancy Center, speaking at my home church.  Coincidence?  I think not.  There it was again... the tug.  The silent voice saying, "Ashley... you need to do this."  Once again, my fears pushed the voice aside and I ignored it.


Fast forward to this past fall.  I'm sitting at Harvest and open the bulletin.  There it is: Caris Pregnancy Services - Volunteer your Time - for more information contact Troy...
Ok God.  I hear you.  
The next weekend, I traveled back to Canton and guess what.  The Crisis Pregnancy Center was at my home church a 4th time - on a random weekend I decided to come back home.  


I felt chills of course.  I cried.  I knew the Lord was speaking and that I had to do this but I didn't know why - what could I have to offer?
I was at Trinity working at a visit event.  I sat at a table to chat with one of my student's and his mom.  When God wants you to do something, he yells it from every possible way.  My student's mom was a Director of a pregnancy center in the suburbs.  FOR THE LOVE!  Seriously God?!  


6 times.... 6 times God told me "You need to do this." and 5 times I felt too scared and ignored it.  What really happened is I was disobeying.  The 6th time, I decided to put my fears behind me and make the call.


I went in for an "interview" and the words I found myself saying surprised me.  As a high schooler, I judged anyone that would have gotten an abortion.  How could they do such a thing?  Don't they know what they're doing?  What a righteous, do-no-wrong 18 year old was I!  And then I grew up.  Do I agree with that choice?  No.  But I see things with grace glasses now.  


Most of the time, these girls don't get abortions because of selfish motives.  They choose to have an abortion because they honestly believe they have no other options.  They're young, they're scared and they make rash decisions because they feel there are no other options.
Adoption?  Why not that?  Don't they realize they can give their child to someone who would love and care for it better than they could?  When I learned the following, it was like a light bulb went off.
Giving your child up for adoption is one of the most self-less acts a person could do.  You are giving away something that was once yours and not just giving away a pair of shoes... a child.  Giving your child away also carries a negative connotation: obviously you were not capable of caring for that child - so it was best you gave it to someone who could.  I wouldn't want to be judged for that either.  These girls are already hurting enough.
Instead of righteous judgement, I now see these girls as girls in broken relationships, in an unhealthy home life, girls who just want to be loved and in one night, make a poor choice that alters their lives forever; they often don't know the love of Christ or what it even means to be truly loved and shown grace.


What do I have to offer these girls?  Not much.  15 minutes of my time.  Snacks.  Gifts.  So what.  
It's the Lord's grace that has infiltrated my life that I want to extend to these girls that they may see the love of Christ.  That is what I have to offer.  May the Lord use me in whatever way, shape or form He wants to and I hope I have the courage to listen and act.  
Thank you Lord for your grace and may I continue seeing others and myself through grace glasses as well - because we are worth something to You.