The favorite Tee

We all have our favorite, extremely worn yet extremely comfy, go-to t-shirt.  It's familiar.  You like the way it fits.  You like the way it feels.  You like the memories that are tied to that dadgum old, very worn t-shirt. 

You throw it on as soon as you get home from work.

You'll lounge in it.

You'll go to the grocery store in it.

You'll wear it with a nice pair of jeans and boots and justify it as your 'modern casual/sloppy' look.

You wear it when you're sick.

You'll wear it to bed.

You'll wear it as a 3rd layer when you go to a chilly fall football game.

It's your favorite t-shirt!  My favorite t-shirt is my Canton Little Giants 2002 State Playoffs.  The hem has come out at the bottom.  There is a hole under the armpit.  It's discolored on the back.  But that is my favorite t-shirt. 

What's your favorite t-shirt?

Fearing vulnerability

I'm a bit of a skeptic.  I'm all for change but before I can jump on board, you had better show me all the ins and outs of how that change is going to work and how it will benefit those involved.  And even then, it will take a bit of time before I'm "all in."  It's just how I operate.


I don't know if any of you struggle with this but I am skeptical about being completely honest with people and not just people, friends even, all because I worry that I will be judged.  It's quite sad though... to worry about being honest about the things that plagued you.  Can we trust each other to just... be there?  And just... listen with pure hearts?


Even with Christian women, I could pour my heart out about the things that are my Mt. Everest's, and even though part of them truly wants to care and pray for you, the other half is still a sinner and judges.  Disclaimer: This is not a blanket statement.
How can we trust the people we call friends to listen, really listen with a pure heart, hear you when you cry over admitting Satan's lies that attack you daily, and truly feel empathy, without an ounce of judgement or resentment?
How?  This is really unsettling to me.  It's unsettling to go through life, walking alongside one another, but fearing vulnerability because we don't want to be silently judged.


Do we not realize that we are all going through very similar situations?  Will the situations be identical in detail?  No but they are similar in nature.  Self-esteem, relationships, spiritual battles, etc.  You know them... we all experience these things and more.


I'm completely aware that this next part is a run-on sentence but they are my thoughts and my thoughts are continuous run-on sentences :)
Challenge for myself and all who are reading:
How about the next time your friend seeks you out to share a secret that has weighed on her, something that has been haunting her for awhile, something that she has struggled with and needs to vent, and better yet, needs prayer of a faithful and pure hearted friend, how about when you hear her share her struggles, instead of thinking, "She's upset about that?  Seriously?!  Doesn't she realize I along with 50,000 other women have it way worse?!", why don't we put away the pity party, put away the resentment and judgement, and realize this women is sharing with you because she trusts you and needs your friendship, love and care.  And that thing she just shared that you judged her for, it is a huge weight on her, beating her down everyday.

And guess what, there will come a time when it's your turn to share with a friend your deep dark struggles and you will seek that same true friendship, love and care from them.  None of us want to be judged for simply being honest about what we're struggling with in life, especially by those that are friends.  Friends are supposed to be a safe haven.  I ask myself this question: Have I been a good friend lately?  One that my friends know they can trust 100% to just love them, in the good, bad and the ugly, and never for one second resenting them in their struggles or silently judging them as they trust me to empathize with them.
Seems twisted doesn't it?  Silently judging while I am being trusted to truly empathize.
I don't want to be a twisted friend.  Twisted and friend do not really go together anyway.  I want to be a true friend. 

All things fall

Ahhh fall.  It is one of my favorite times of year.  There are so many wonderful sights and smells that make fall magical.


- Crisp, refreshing fall breeze
- Leaves turning earthy colors of reds, oranges, and browns
- The crunch of the fallen leaves under your feet
- Pumpkin spice lattes
- Farmers' Market candle *Which is burning away as I write and man oh man, our living room smells wondrous right now!
- My birthday! *Year 26.... gulp
- Apple picking
- Pumpkin bread
- Football games
- Hot chocolate at football games
- Wrapped up in a blanket at football games
- Marching bands at football games
- Carving pumpkins
- Appropriate weather to wear all my hats
- Daylight savings time - I'll take that extra hour!


Ahhhh fall.  Beautiful. Calming. Refreshing.  Take some time this fall to stop and enjoy the beauty the Lord has given us through the season of fall.  

Phileo

I did it... I went for it.  I went to a scrapbook store, carefully selected some starter pieces, came home, spread out my goodies and began fashioning my own home-made cards.

Now, Caleb and I have an idea.  But for now... I'll just practice making cards for the pure joy of it.  I quickly learned in the first 10 seconds, I need to invest in a paper cutter.  My own unsteady hand just won't cut it - hahahaha no pun intended.  And yes, I just cracked myself up with my unintended pun.

Here are a few I toyed with over the weekend.  Forgive me, lighting is not the greatest in our apartment. 

Hi friend

Wedding!

Pick-me-up

'Brotherly love' in Greek.  There is a reason for this but that reason is a vision for the future :)

Seeing with 'grace glasses'

Ohhh grace.  Lavished upon us by Jesus Christ.  Withheld by our own hearts that only see failure.  Failure in ourselves...failure in others.  Maybe this isn't a struggle you face but it's a struggle of mine.  I chose the word 'grace' as my 2011 word and I'm happy to say I have made conscious choices since then to give myself grace when I otherwise would beat myself up for failing yet again.  This is kind of lengthy but if you want to see how God speaks then please continue, because it's pretty neat.


I recently began volunteering at Caris - a pregnancy center that offers counseling and other resources.  Forgive me, but in my opinion, I think the phrase "I felt called to..." is overused and perhaps it's said out of habit or people are not sure what else to say but I don't think the Lord 'calls' us to do everything that we choose to do.  We make our own choices and a lot of the time, the Lord probably wasn't calling us, it's just a choice we made.  But I can tell you with 110% confidence, I felt called to volunteer at a pregnancy center.  


"Now Ash," you say, "how could you know this?"  Well my friends, during my early college years, I felt a very real and tangible tug when a woman came to my home church 2 times over the span of 1 year and spoke on the Crisis Pregnancy Center.  I felt something within me stir and say 'You need to volunteer your time here.'  I have always been passionate about pro-life but when I felt that tug I became scared and chose to ignore it.


Fast forward another 2 years.  I was at Trinity and would come home for a visit every now and then.  The weekend I chose to come home, low and behold, there is another spokesperson for the Crisis Pregnancy Center, speaking at my home church.  Coincidence?  I think not.  There it was again... the tug.  The silent voice saying, "Ashley... you need to do this."  Once again, my fears pushed the voice aside and I ignored it.


Fast forward to this past fall.  I'm sitting at Harvest and open the bulletin.  There it is: Caris Pregnancy Services - Volunteer your Time - for more information contact Troy...
Ok God.  I hear you.  
The next weekend, I traveled back to Canton and guess what.  The Crisis Pregnancy Center was at my home church a 4th time - on a random weekend I decided to come back home.  


I felt chills of course.  I cried.  I knew the Lord was speaking and that I had to do this but I didn't know why - what could I have to offer?
I was at Trinity working at a visit event.  I sat at a table to chat with one of my student's and his mom.  When God wants you to do something, he yells it from every possible way.  My student's mom was a Director of a pregnancy center in the suburbs.  FOR THE LOVE!  Seriously God?!  


6 times.... 6 times God told me "You need to do this." and 5 times I felt too scared and ignored it.  What really happened is I was disobeying.  The 6th time, I decided to put my fears behind me and make the call.


I went in for an "interview" and the words I found myself saying surprised me.  As a high schooler, I judged anyone that would have gotten an abortion.  How could they do such a thing?  Don't they know what they're doing?  What a righteous, do-no-wrong 18 year old was I!  And then I grew up.  Do I agree with that choice?  No.  But I see things with grace glasses now.  


Most of the time, these girls don't get abortions because of selfish motives.  They choose to have an abortion because they honestly believe they have no other options.  They're young, they're scared and they make rash decisions because they feel there are no other options.
Adoption?  Why not that?  Don't they realize they can give their child to someone who would love and care for it better than they could?  When I learned the following, it was like a light bulb went off.
Giving your child up for adoption is one of the most self-less acts a person could do.  You are giving away something that was once yours and not just giving away a pair of shoes... a child.  Giving your child away also carries a negative connotation: obviously you were not capable of caring for that child - so it was best you gave it to someone who could.  I wouldn't want to be judged for that either.  These girls are already hurting enough.
Instead of righteous judgement, I now see these girls as girls in broken relationships, in an unhealthy home life, girls who just want to be loved and in one night, make a poor choice that alters their lives forever; they often don't know the love of Christ or what it even means to be truly loved and shown grace.


What do I have to offer these girls?  Not much.  15 minutes of my time.  Snacks.  Gifts.  So what.  
It's the Lord's grace that has infiltrated my life that I want to extend to these girls that they may see the love of Christ.  That is what I have to offer.  May the Lord use me in whatever way, shape or form He wants to and I hope I have the courage to listen and act.  
Thank you Lord for your grace and may I continue seeing others and myself through grace glasses as well - because we are worth something to You.

My kind of Saturday

We haven't had this kind of Saturday in a long time. And it is wonderful!

1) Woke up earlier than intended but both felt awake enough to just lay there together

2) No tight scheduled agenda

3) Conversation over coffee at Starbucks

4) Farmers' Market

5) Fresh produce

6) Fresh flowers

7) Time laying out at the pool

8) Time spent with friends in the city

It is days like this that I feel relaxed for once.  No agenda.  After a long, busy week at work, it is finally time to slow down and really take in the freedom and all the above things to just enjoy.  Thank you Lord for days like today that are meant to re-charge.

I never purchase fresh flowers but I absolutely love them.  Now that we're out of debt, it sounds silly, but we have the freedom to be able to spend a few more bucks on little things like flowers.  There's just something about the freshness, the colors, the different shapes and sizes the Lord created that makes me feel natural and organic when purchasing them.  For a long time, I have dreamed to be the mom that always has fresh flowers in her home.  Always changing, always alive, always natural.

We found a cute little tent selling fresh flowers at the Farmers' Market.  They were beautiful and I felt like a kid in a candy shop picking out fun flowers.  Now, I'm not the world's best flower arranger by any means.  It will certainly take time and practice.  Unfortunately, I underestimated how big the vase was so I could have used a good 5 more flowers or so.  But regardless of how shoddy it may look, it still livens up the room.

Happy Saturday!

New tunes

I only took a few weeks of Spanish and this was way back in 8th grade.  The amount of Spanish I knew last week equaled that of a 1 year old Spanish speaking child.

After being in Cancun for a mere 7 days, I am proud to say the amount of Spanish I have learned and so far retained, (albeit retained 1 day thus far of being back in the states) now equals that of a 1.5 year old Spanish speaking child.

Ohhhh the small victories.

I really enjoyed Latin music before this trip as I've taken Zumba classes but now I'm really enjoying Latin music.  I came across a couple songs tonight and if you'd like to add a little culture to your music collection as well as give a new exciting beat when folding laundry, doing dishes or picking up the pile of clothes that have yet again somehow accumulated on your bedroom floor, check them out!

Daddy Yankee - La Despedida

Enrique Iglesias - Cuando Me Enamora     yes, Enrique. err.. Si, Enrique.  I'll say it.  I'm a fan.

Enjoy!  And don't be alarmed, but your hips are going to want to move in some way, shape or form to these two songs.

Reminded of Genesis

Caleb and I had a fantastic time in Cancun this past week.  It was certainly a much needed vacation and as always, takes forever to get here and then is over in a heartbeat.  It felt like this:

The long awaited trip began it's final week countdown.  7 days, 6 days, 5 days, 4, 3, 2 and 1.  Waiting anxiously for our ride to arrive, bounding down the stairs, strolling out to the taxi at the crack of dawn with a light bounce in my step, hopping into the taxi with a big ol' grin on my face.  Cancun, here we come!

Then we blinked.

And we were left standing in our parking lot, luggage sitting beside us, taxi pulling away, and us looking at the apartment with dazed, unimpressed expressions, thinking with a heavy, internal sigh, "aaaand back to the grindstone."

Literal, no.  Figurative, yes.  If how I felt was put into a short film, it would have looked something like that and would have occurred in two scenes.  Now if that doesn't get nominated for an Oscar in Best Short Film, then I don't know what will!

But in all seriousness.

I had a few moments with the Lord on this trip as I stood in awe of the majesty of the ocean.  I couldn't help but look out, breathe in the ocean air and thank the Lord for the beauty of His creations.  I thought of Genesis and how God created the oceans, separated by the sky and the land.  

Beauty... majesty... meticulous... purpose.

God created the very ocean I swam in and may or may not have gone #1 in when the restrooms were just too far away.  

He created the powerful waves that continued to knock me over with legs and arms flailing, attempting not to choke to death on salt water.

He created and knows how many grains of sand are on that beach that always found its way into my swimsuit. 

Awesome God is He!  with a great sense of humor :)  I wonder if He smiles and chuckles silently as He watches us flail around in the ocean, acting like 5 year olds as we splash around, and casually glance around to make sure no one is watching as we break the 'no P in God's pool' rule.  I think he does. 

G-rents

I've felt quite sentimental lately.  You want to know who has the ability to make me tear up every time I speak to them and spiral into a long desire to be home with my family?  I'll tell you who.  My grandparents.  Both sets.  Every time.  

There's just something about grandparents that remind you of a happy time, a safe time, a cozy, loving, and fun memory filled time.

I will be the first to say how extremely blessed I am to still have both sets of my grandparents.  In case you didn't know, I grew up with grammy and papa living 5 minutes down the road and grandma and grandpa living 20 minutes in the opposite direction.   Needless to say we were always at both grandparents' houses.  Blessed?  Yes.


To this day, circus peanuts, Rice Krispies, Trident gum, mints and Crunch'n Munch remind me of grammy and papa.
Coupons, small individual boxes of cereal, swings, the hill, and Disney movies remind me of grandma and grandpa.


All four are believers.  All four have raised my parents to be believers.  All four have been faithful and godly examples to myself, my siblings and my cousins. They never fail to pray before meals and are not ashamed to let tears fall during those prayers.


They are generous to no end.  The words 'hard work' run through their veins. They would put us all to shame at the amount of legitimate hard work they still do today.
I look up to them, respect them and love them.  I am proud to be their granddaughter.  
And I miss them terribly.


Grammy and papa... grandma and grandpa... I love you so much.  Thank you for all you have done for us.  You are the epitome of godly examples.

College debt picked a fight. We sat on its head.

We made it!  We did it!  It's over!  It's done!  We don't owe a penny to anyone, anything, anywhere!  

We've been 21 months in the making of becoming debt free.  It was yet another love-hate relationship.  But in the end, discipline and commitment won the fight.  Boo yah!

Some of you may think we're crazy for welcoming such a tight budget into our lives.  That's fine.  This is something we decided from the very beginning; we wanted to take care of both our college debt as quickly as possible.  

We weren't the first couple to adopt these tricks and tips.  And we won't be the last.  

1) Develop a budget.  Here's the key.  You have to actually stick to it.

2) You tell your money where to go.  Not the other way around.

3) Discipline. Discipline. Discipline.

4) Furniture hunting?  Hit up Craigslist.  We found a Microfiber couch and loveseat -$275 for both.  A couple was moving to Germany and had a few weeks to sell their stuff.  You'll come across a great find at some point!

5) Decorating your apartment?  DIY projects or better yet - dig through your place.  I guarantee you'll find things you haven't used in awhile.  I happen to find lots of random vases in our closet.  Google some projects on what to do with vases - you'll find a whole new world of ideas.  Use what you already have!

6) Or if you don't have it but need it, utilize your Goodwills, Salvation Armys, garage sales, flea markets.

7) Decide what is an appropriate amount for your own spending money.  Let's face it.  You can't be straight laced the whole time otherwise you will go crazy.  Trust me.  The hate part of the love-hate relationship comes in full force on this one.  Treat yourself to something you love.  Grab a coffee, get a pedicure, a new top, dinner with a friend.  

8) However, we really don't need a ton of material items to begin with.  Be realistic but really... we can live without an overdose on most items. 

9) Once money is gone in a particular part of the budget, it's gone.  No going over.  

10) Believe it or not, Aldi has some great finds for inexpensive groceries.  Don't fall susceptible to the Whole Foods exclusive club - there are many grocery store gems out there that have quality food - you'll still get some bang for your buck.

11) Want to watch a movie?  Guess what?  The library has tons of movies. And oh yes...they're free.

Library is closed?  The next cheapest thing is Redbox - $1 movies.

I could continue but I'll stop.  The main thing is discipline.  I had the urge several times to go out just one more time to Panera.  I had the urge to run out and buy cookie dough to satisfy (although satisfy temporarily) my sugar craving.  I had the urge to buy a Strawberry Frappachino when I met up with a friend.  BUT.  When the money is gone, it's gone.  No going over.  That kind of defeats the whole purpose.

We're proud of this accomplishment and we wouldn't change the way we did things.  Now we are freed up to adjust our budget as we see fit.  

Hold your horses.  Don't worry.  Calm down!  Geesh.  Don't have a heart attack.  We won't go crazy.  Discipline runs through our veins.  Remember me?  Black and white girl?  And I'm married to a Redelman.  We'll be ok ;)